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Tough Night for MLB Umpire Bill Miller, Who Was Called a “Fucking Fatass” After Disrupting a Ground Ball
By Matt Schultz
Published:
I’ll start with an advisory here: This video may make you feel bad. It’s not nice. Proceed with caution:
Not cool! Bill Miller, the umpire who is being berated by Reds pitcher Caleb Ferguson, didn’t even do anything wrong. The ball was hit to short. That’s the shortstop’s play to make. Miller didn’t expect the second baseman to cross over to make a play on the ball, and I definitely wouldn’t have either. It’s an unfortunate play. I’m sure Miller felt bad about it afterward. Then, on top of already being embarrassed, he had to suffer attacks about his weight. That’s some messed up stuff.
As a formerly overweight kid (had to wear “husky” uniform pants to Assumption BVM from 4th to 7th grade, not great, insane that they labeled pants for heavyset kids as “husky,” they were basically regular slacks with a kind of stretchy/elastic waistband, what a time), this video cuts me pretty deep. This is some older brother talk right here. I feel for Miller. I’ve been there. Just getting pummeled by different variations of “fat.” Fat motherfucker. Fatass. Fatboy. That hurts. Those are rough words. They’re sharp on the ears. Something about the word “fat” just sounds harsh, almost physical, like being slapped with sound. It’s something about the “f” noise combined with the hard “t” at the end, especially when it’s said with enough acrimony, which Ferguson is clearly doing here.
There’s also not a great comeback for fat insults. Fat trumps pretty much anything, in my experience. Or, if you do manage to pop off a good comeback, the insulter can return your volley with even more specific fat digs. That’s where things can get very bad. They can bring in the tits attacks. Big tits. Fat tits. Titty boy. Etc. It’s not good. One time my older brother announced in front of all my friends that I have bigger tits than the girls in my grade. Credit where it’s due: that was a truly vicious slam. I had no comeback for that. I’m sure my response was similar to Miller’s: just stood there softly nodding, taking it right on the chin.
Now, does Ferguson have a right to be frustrated? Sure. It’s annoying to have a routine groundout messed up by the umpire. It was probably irritating to see that, as Edwin Arroyo bumped into him, Miller put his hands on the back of his head as if that would help at all. Bet it was also frustrating to see Miller just silently stand there afterward and not say “My bad” or anything. But to degrade the guy like that for a good twenty seconds about his weight is objectively an asshole thing to do. Seems like Ferguson is a real dickhead. Not a cool guy. Also, the Reds were losing 7-0 at this point in the game. Take the L, buddy. Blame your team. Not the ump.
Think it’s also worth mentioning that some people in the replies to this tweet are defending Ferguson, saying the umpire should be fit enough to step out of the way of the play, arguing that Ferguson was right to criticize Miller’s weight. These Twitter users all have weird-looking cartoons as their avatar and fake names and stuff like “Libertarian renegade” in their bios. These people are lunatics, or they’re like 14 years old and expressing vague, confused rage online in misguided ways. Either way, they are wrong. They are not cool guys. And they’ve clearly never worn husky pants.
I stand with you, Miller. I’m gonna try to rally the troops and send you a gift or something. Think that’d be a nice thing to do. Maybe an Edible Arrangement. Or maybe food wouldn’t be a good idea. Could be read as insulting and I don’t want that at all. Maybe it should be a Visa gift card or something instead. I’m going to think on this.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com