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Jaylen Brown’s Latest Twitch Stream Gifted Us a Bounty Of Great Content
By Matt Schultz
Published:
First off, I feel like I should say: This rules. I’m really enjoying having Jaylen Brown on the Sixers, and the season is still three months away. He goes skydiving in Egypt. Sources close to him allegedly say he has no ego anymore. And, of course, he does Twitch streams pretty often, which are always filled with some truly funny and bizarre and interesting stuff. It’s great. I will not regret saying I enjoy the Jaylen Brown experience. This will not come back to bite me. No chance.
Anyway, he did a new Twitch stream on Monday and there were a ton of highlights.
Jaylen Brown Put on His Sixers Jersey For the First Time
This was cool to see. I also like that it’s universally understood that the black ‘01 throwbacks are the best Sixers jerseys. I’ve seen some chatter online about how these jerseys may not come back next year. I have to do more research on this, but if that’s true, that is an unmitigated disaster. These are the best jerseys in the NBA. The fans love them. The players love them. Everyone loves them. This tweet put it well:
Jaylen Brown Tells Sixers They’re All Going Skydiving Together
LeBron’s “boy hell nah” response is very good. That’s nice. That’s fun. I like that they have a group chat going already. This is good bonding. They cannot go skydiving together, though, of course. I will not allow that. I will do everything in my power to prevent this from happening. I will use the vast influence of the blog. The written word. Mightier than the sword…
Jaylen Brown Addresses His Hairline While Skydiving
“It’s the damn G force. My shit coming back. My Nutrafol shitt coming back. I’m about to get with Bron, we bout to be back right, bro… It’s the lighting.”
This is good stuff. I like that Jaylen can dunk on himself about his hair. He’s having fun. He gets it. I also like the idea of him teaming up with LeBron and learning some hair tricks. LeBron is not only possibly the basketball GOAT, but he is also possibly the GOAT of keeping a very small dusting of hair atop a balding head for decades. Jaylen can learn a lot from him hair-wise, and I’m heartened to hear he’s willing to set his ego aside and be a hair student. Speaking of being a student:
Jaylen Brown Talking About Teaming Up With LeBron and His Love of Learning
“We got Bron… and what an opportunity that is. But like for me, what an opportunity it is to learn. Like, one of my favorite things to do is learn. Despite what people may say, despite what people may feel about, my favorite thing to do is learn. I love learning.”
This made me laugh. What does he mean by “despite what people may say?” Does Jaylen think that we’re all out here denying that he enjoys learning? Is that what he thinks people’s biggest criticism is? He believes we’re all in our Sixers group texts like,“Yo, I hate this Jaylen Brown trade, and I’ll tell you why: I have a feeling that he doesn’t like learning that much. I don’t think he seeks knowledge and wisdom. And that’s something I won’t stand for. I need my favorite basketball players in the library, pursuing all kinds of texts, from mechanical engineering manuals to translations of Greek classics. I need them doing apprenticeships in everything from woodworking to IT to concrete mixing. And I just don’t think Jaylen has that kind of drive to understand…”
Jaylen Brown Says the Most Impressive Thing About LeBron Joining the Sixers is That it Boosted the Economy
(at 4:43) – “LeBron, he just signed. The most incredible thing about LeBron signing in Philadelphia is, like, I read… how it boosted the economy. The economy boosted 400%. He ain’t even got there yet. And it’s already boosted.”
Jaylen Brown rules. I love how he tries to zag and sound smart at all times. Forget that Jaylen is a basketball player. Forget that he’s talking about the basketball team he’s currently on. Forget that the Sixers haven’t won a championship since 1983. None of that matters. It’s trivial. If you think any of that is the actual point, you are an imbecile, a fool, a sheep… No, to someone as intelligent and wise as Jaylen, the most incredible thing about the LeBron signing is the economy. Numbers. Data. Financial ramifications. Et cetera… Basketball is surface-level. Jaylen’s too smart for surface-level. He can see through the Matrix to what’s most important: It’s all about the cash registers. The power. Follow the money, if you can keep up… Jaylen understands the world in a way most of us never, ever will… But I, for one, am glad to have him here to explain it to us.
Thank you, Jaylen, for an excellent Twitch stream. Can’t wait for the next one.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com