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Very Good News: Joel Embiid is Skinny Now
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Joel Embiid posted some workout photos on Wednesday, which provided some very good news: Joel is skinny now:
It’s an exciting two photos. I think they’re exciting. This is news. LeBron must’ve thought so, too, because he shared Joel’s post on his Instagram stories:
Seeing pictures of Joel during the offseason and being impressed that he is slightly skinnier than normal is nothing new. Seems like we do a version of this every summer. But this year feels different. Joel looks particularly skinny. To underscore this, allow me to draw your attention to this mock-up I made:
As you can see, I drew three yellow circles. The top one draws attention to the neck; the middle one, to the arm; lastly, the bottom circle highlights the leg area. Notice how the arm is thinner than the neck and the leg. That’s skinny. That’s the telltale sign of skinny. I privately measure my own weight/build this way in my mind. If I see a picture of myself and notice the flab of my arm (flab is different than muscle; the difference is easy to spot; you know flab when you see it) is girthier than the width of my neck, then I have some work to do. If the circumference of my flab-arm is larger than that of my knee/thigh area, then I’m really in trouble.
This happens. We all go off the rails from time to time. Holidays. Summer. Beers. Et cetera. There is nothing wrong with going off the rails. The important thing is being honest with yourself when you notice the slippage and nipping it in the bud. No longer buying Pop Corners or mixed nuts or pretzel chips or Kashi Go Peanut Butter Crunch cereal. You can’t be trusted to have them in the house. You must turn to Wegmans flavored sparkling waters to keep you full. You must eat wet baby carrots from the wet bag. It’s hell… But it’s a hell you must walk through…
But Joel doesn’t have to worry about that right now. His neck/arm/leg ratio looks good. He’s ready for the season. He looks like Young Joel. Remember Young Joel? Remember how quick and bouncy he was?
Maybe we’ll get this Joel back this year. You never know. Maybe LeBron has Joel on the LeBron workout/diet regimen, and his conditioning is only going to get better from here. It could happen. Joel is due for some good luck. I got a good feeling.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com