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Aaron Donald Comes Out of Retirement to Join the Old-Ass Rams and Lose to the Eagles
By Matt Schultz
Published:
The news:
The Rams were already Super Bowl favorites, and now that they’re adding Aaron Donald, they’re pretty much being crowned champs already. And I get it, in a way. It’s a big addition. It’s a big story. Aaron Donald is probably the best defensive tackle ever. I just took a look at some of his career stats for a little brush-up, and it’s not bad: Donald has 111 career sacks. He’s a three-time Defensive Player of the Year. He was a Pro Bowl selection in every one of his ten NFL seasons. He was First-Team All-Pro eight times. He has 176 tackles for loss. Donald is pretty good. I am man enough to admit this.
He’s also now joining a defensive line that already has Myles Garrett, who had 23 sacks last year, has won Defensive Player of the Year twice, and is one of only three players in NFL history with at least 10 sacks in eight straight years.
Again, I understand everyone’s enthusiasm. If I were a Rams fan, I’d be happy about this.
But before we get too nuts, it’s worth noting the following: Aaron Donald hasn’t played in almost three years. He’s 35 years old. And he’s joining a team that’s already old as hell. The Rams have the second-oldest roster in the league (Pittsburgh and Atlanta are tied for first), and as talented as the defensive line is, it does nothing to protect ancient-ass Matt Stafford on the other side of the ball.
The Rams offensive line is always hurt and pretty old. Injuries forced them to go with nine different starting combinations in 2024 and six different starting groups in 2025. Rob Havenstein just retired after missing a bunch of time with injuries last year, which throws young and unproven guys like Warren McLendon Jr. and Justin Dedich (who’s already on IR) into crucial roles. This is concerning stuff. From where I’m sitting, their O-line looks like it’s one injury away from Stafford being hit so hard he shatters into one million pieces and his huge, too-bright veneers explode into a very white dust.
And finally, the most important thing to keep in mind is this: despite LA’s offseason additions, the Eagles will still beat the Rams (in their Week 4 matchup and possibly in the playoffs) because that’s simply what always happens. The Birds have beaten LA in each of their last four meetings. Over the last ten years, the Eagles are 6-1 against the Rams, including the postseason. The last time the Rams beat the Eagles was in September 2020. The numbers are the numbers. I do not fear the Rams. I will not regret saying this.
All that to lose to the Eagles for the 5th straight time
— 🦅 (@EaglesOwnYou) August 30, 2026
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com