Eagles

The Onion Weaponizes Eagles’ Success to Dunk on Jets

By Matt Schultz

Published: Sep 2nd, 2026 · 2:25 PM EDT

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Here’s the headline from The Onion:

Jets Hope To Sell More Merchandise With New ‘Philadelphia Eagles’–Themed Jerseys

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Hoping that imagery strongly associated with success and winning will reignite fan enthusiasm, the New York Jets unveiled a line of “Philadelphia Eagles”–themed alternate jerseys Thursday in an effort to boost merchandise sales. “After several difficult seasons, we wanted to give Jets fans a shade of green that lets them proudly show their support,” said team president Hymie Elhai, displaying the new midnight-green uniforms, which feature fierce raptor designs on the shoulders and the word “EAGLES” emblazoned across the chest. “We may be a last-place team, but this is a first-place look. People see these colors and immediately feel excited about football, and that’s exactly the kind of energy we want to bring to Jet Nation. We’re already seeing a tremendous amount of interest for the new offerings—just today, we’ve gotten more orders for Eagles-themed Saquon Barkley Jets jerseys than we got for Geno Smith jerseys all last season. Clearly, people are fired up for Jets football!” Elhai added that the team was hoping to build on the buzz surrounding the Eagles-themed jerseys with a new fight song titled “Fly, Jets, Fly.”

Now this is good stuff. First off, it’s always fun to dunk on the Jets. They’ve been the poster child for losing and mismanagement and underachieving and misery for quite some time now in the NFL (are they the biggest loser franchise in all of sports, full stop? Who else is up there? The Knicks won, so they’re out – who’s left? The Browns? Rockies? Sacramento Kings? I think the Jets have them all beat. It’s close, but I’m giving NY the edge because of this moment alone – )

Aaron Rodgers takes the field holding the American flag 🇺🇸 on 9/11.

The atmosphere is unreal.

pic.twitter.com/oIrSd4EnsH

— Ari Meirov (@MySportsUpdate) September 12, 2023

And the meme that came from it:

Anyway, punching down on the Jets is fun, but I think the more interesting takeaway here was pointed out nicely by this comment on The Onion’s Instagram:

Such a good point, and it’s pretty wild if you think about it. The Eagles are now widely recognized as the bar for NFL success. The Onion’s headline wouldn’t work otherwise; the reader’s instant understanding of how accomplished and good and smart the Birds are is the reason this joke works. And as strange as it feels for the Eagles to be the new standard of excellence in the league, it makes sense if you look at what they’ve done over the last few years:

• Won two Super Bowls
• Reached two Super Bowls in three seasons (2022, 2024) and won one.
• Lead the NFL with 61 total wins (50 regular season, 11 postseason appearances resulting in 6 playoff wins) since 2022.
• Their .735 regular-season win percentage (50–18) from 2022 to 2025 ranks #1 in the NFL, featuring two 14-win campaigns (2022, 2024).
• Had 5 consecutive playoff berths, one in every season under Nick Sirianni from 2021 through 2025.
• Paced the entire league with 134 total rushing touchdowns from 2022 to 2025, powered by their historic short-yardage efficiency and Jalen Hurts’ 60 rushing touchdowns over that stretch.
• Secured back-to-back NFC East division titles in 2024 and 2025, snapping a 21-year streak of no repeat winners in the division.
• Posted two separate 14-win regular seasons in 2022 and 2024.
• During their 2024 championship campaign, the defense ranked first in the NFL in total defense
• The 2022 defense generated 70 total sacks, which ranks as the third-most in a single season in NFL history.
• The regular-season squad has proven nearly unbeatable when protecting the football, notching a 42–2 record when winning the turnover margin since 2021.

When you list it all out, that’s impressive as hell. The Eagles have been so damn good. Maybe we should all appreciate this more. Personally, I probably should. I’ve spent the morning being quietly irritated by how annoying Jalen Hurts was in his GQ interview. But I gotta zoom out. It’s okay if Jalen only talks in riddles and inspirational Instagram buzzwords about style and the mission and the collective or whatever the hell. At least the Birds are good. At least we’re not the Jets.