Phillies

The Phillies Signed 35-Year-Old Tommy John Patient Jason Marquis Today

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jun 3rd, 2014 · 2:00 PM EDT

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#PhilliesUpdate: RHP Jason Marquis signed to minor league contract and will report to @Threshers tomorrow for extended ST.

— Philadelphia Phillies (@Phillies) June 3, 2014

I don’t  even know anymore. It’s like Ruben’s playing fantasy baseball in 2004. What, he couldn’t get Mark Prior on the horn? We can just assume that Marquis has been added to provide depth in case of a trade or another injury… or, you know, as much depth as a 35-year-old less than a year removed from Tommy John surgery can provide. At this point what does it even matter? The Phillies are done. Rube is done. I imagine he is just stumbling around his office like a rabid dog, clueless as to what he’s doing or what’s going on in the outside world. People are afraid to enter. David Montgomery won’t fire anyone, let alone his salivating GM. So, they just let him go. Jason Marquis? Sure, Rube. Just don’t bite me, and if you could, please stop peeing all over the furniture, the office is beginning to smell.

The Twitter reaction to the move is fun:

http://storify.com/crossingbroad/jason-marquis