Eagles

NFL Finds That, Yep, the Patriots Are No Good, Lying Cheaters

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jan 21st, 2015 · 2:04 AM EST

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Chris Mortensen passes down word from atop Mount Goodell:

The New England Patriots had 11 of their 12 allotted game footballs under-inflated by 2 pounds of air (PSI) less than what’s required by NFL regulations, according to league sources either involved or familiar with the investigation of Sunday’s AFC championship game when the Patriots beat the Colts 45-7 to advance to their sixth Super Bowl.

“We are not commenting at this time,” said Greg Aiello, the NFL’s senior vice president of communications.

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Yet to be determined is what, if any, penalties may be imposed upon Patriots. One source described the league as “disappointed … angry … distraught,” after spending considerable time on the findings earlier Tuesday.

Part of the investigation that still needs further vetting is how the 11 footballs became under-inflated. The game balls provided to each team for preparation were required to be inspected and approved by referee Walt Anderson two hours and 15 minutes before kickoff before they were returned to each team.

And here I thought TMZ would obtain video of Bill Belichick siphoning the air out of balls like bridesmaids working penis straws for vodka at a trashy bachelorette party before the league ever, ahem, caught wind of the Patriots’ actions. Can’t wait to see what happens next. This is the Super Bowl Roger Goodell deserves.