Phillies

This Phillies Fan Destroying a Strip of Cotton Candy Is Everything

By Kyle Scott

Published: Aug 4th, 2016 · 1:01 PM EDT

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The Giants’ broadcast caught a Phillies fan just devouring cotton candy last night. Just watch the video and then we’ll talk:

Few things:

1. Cotton candy is disgusting. It’s webbed sugar and I judge you if you let your kids eat it, in much the same way I judge you if you put sugar on your cereal when you were young, you diabetesed little bastard, HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT!
2. Uh, grandpa, why does your jaw unhinge like that?
3. Haircut aside, I respect the dad here, obviously telling grandpa that no way in hell he was gonna let him impart his gluttonous habits on his young daughter. Yeah, she gets a small piece so we can learn WHAT A DISGUSTING PILE OF SHIT COTTON CANDY IS.
4. The commentary on this from MVP Baseball 2005 broadcasters is perfection. I shudder to think what would’ve happened to this scene in the hands of Tom McCarthy. He would’ve cackled, talked about his undying love for the sugary treat, and then probably had to hit the choke button for 40 seconds as he laughed uncontrollably at a blunt blow job innuendo from Matt Stairs. Don’t forget to work the balls, Tom.

Wash your hands. Everyone.