News

Banned at the 2022 World Cup: Sex, Being Gay, and PDA, with Jail Time up to Seven Years

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Jun 22nd, 2022 · 10:29 AM EDT

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She’s a 10 but she wants to have sex in Qatar.

Qatar doesn’t want you to have sex, but they’re going to get us all horned up by building stadiums you want to put your dick in? Makes no sense. I want to fuck this stadium:

🇶🇦 For the first time in history, sex will effectively be banned at a World Cup for players and fans who are not married.

👉 Sex outside of marriage is illegal in Qatar and any fan who has a one-night stand at the World Cup risks going to prison for seven years.

✍️ Daily Star pic.twitter.com/nB8KK0Okpk

— Football Tweet ⚽ (@Football__Tweet) June 21, 2022

You also can’t be gay or show any signs of public affection, which are also both rules at Catholic grade school dances.

If no sex isn’t enough, add in the fact that there are no more hotel rooms, so World Cup fans have to rent tents in the desert with no air conditioning:

🚨 With over 1.2M fans reportedly attending the World Cup, Qatar has run out of hotels and therefore, will put fans in desert tents.

Fyre Festival 2.0. Coming soon. 🇶🇦⛺️ pic.twitter.com/MxHdyC9TVy

— Football Tweet ⚽ (@Football__Tweet) June 16, 2022

This is the dumbest World Cup of all time. Not only is it in November in the middle of a jam-packed NFL and college football schedule, but it’s denying us a summer of gatherings to watch the boys in the red, white, and blue. There’s little beer and no drugs. Is Qatar the only country where the D.A.R.E program actually worked?

Luckily, none of this will fly in the city of Brotherly Love! It’s going to be an all-out fuck fest when the cup is here in 2026: