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Hear Me Out: Penn State Head Coach Chip Kelly, with Offensive Coordinator DeSean Jackson
Published:
Kalani Sitake is staying with Brigham Young:
Cross Sitake off the list.
You know who is still available? Charles Edward “Chip” Kelly, who was fired by the Raiders a few weeks ago. That’s less than a year after he won a natty with THE Ohio State University Buckeyes as offensive coordinator and QB coach.
Prior to that, he barely broke .500 at UCLA and bombed with the San Francisco 49ers, but he had two ten-win seasons in Philadelphia before trading half the team away for no reason whatsoever. Before Philly, he went 46-7 with the Oregon Ducks while going all the way to the 2010 national title game and losing out to a Heisman Trophy winner named Cam Newton.
So hear me out – Penn State head coach Chip Kelly. The guy alternates between good gig and crappy gig, and his next one will be a good one. I think you lure D Jax and Michael Vick away from 8-4 Delaware State and 1-11 Norfolk State and get the band back together with a staff that looks like this:
- Chip Kelly: head coach
- Duuuuuuuuce Staley: assistant head coach
- DeSean Jaccson: offensive coordinator
- Kiko Alonso: defensive coordinator
- Jon Dorenbos: special teams
- Michael Vick: QB coach
- Shady McCoy: running backs
- Danny Watkins: offensive line and fire safety
- Sammy “Sleeves” Bradford: offensive quality control
- Riley Cooper: diversity, equity, and inclusion
- Brent Celek: tight ends
- Marcus Smith: linebackers or EDGE, whatever he was supposed to be
- Beau “The Butter King” Allen: defensive line
- Byron Maxwell: defensive backs
- Jason Babin: wide-9 coach / general douchebaggery
- Nelson “Aguilar” – receivers
- Josh Huff: NCAA compliance officer
- “Big Dom” DiSandro: strength and conditioning
- Eliot Shorr-Parks: VP of Football Communications
What could possibly go wrong? WE ARE!
(This post is 90% unserious, but not 100%….)
Kevin has been writing about Philadelphia sports since 2009. He spent seven years in the CBS 3 sports department and started with the Union during the team's 2010 inaugural season. He went to the academic powerhouses of Boyertown High School and West Virginia University. email - k.kinkead@sportradar.com