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It’s 2026 and Carson Wentz is Slinging Darts in an NFL Game
By Matt Schultz
Published:
The year is 2026 and Carson Wentz is playing good football. The hell’s going on there? Look at this:
He didn’t start the game, of course. Kyler Murray is the Vikings QB1, but went down in the first quarter with a head injury after this late hit:
The Vikings then turned to Carson Wentz to steer the ship the rest of the way, and our old friend brought Minnesota to the promised land with a genuinely impressive performance. He ended the day 12-of-19 passing (63.2%) for 133 yards with 3 touchdowns, 0 interceptions, and a 127.9 passer rating, plus a successful two-point conversion pass. The Vikings went on to beat the Packers 39-22. Pretty damn good stuff.
He got lucky a few times too, though. It’s only fair to bring up Wentz throwing a truly bad pass that got picked off in the end zone with 6:49 left in the fourth quarter, only for it to be overturned because of a holding call. Seemed like a bad call. But still, his stat line is his stat line, and a win’s a win. Carson Wentz played sick. Hats off. Also sounds like he made himself a pretty penny with the performance:
Well done, Carson. To be honest, I am neither happy for you nor upset that this happened. I feel almost nothing, aside from a slight “Huh, interesting.” For a moment there, I was thinking about writing this blog in a dumbass-sports-radio-take-style, something like The Eagles Would Be Better This Year With Carson Wentz Over Jalen Hurts, but couldn’t muster up the energy. That’s how little I care about Carson Wentz. Didn’t seem like it’d be that fun to riff about. Plus, knowing I would’ve gotten a bunch of emails calling me meaner versions of “very dumb” by people who don’t know I’m just goofing around, the juice didn’t seem worth the squeeze this time.
Anyway, good job, Carson. Enjoy your bonus. If you play good next week, I’ll do the sports radio take version of this blog. This is my vow.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com