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Jason and Travis Kelce Just Created the Greatest Stoner Cereal Ever
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
The Kelce brothers put their gigantic brains together, used all of the marketing dollars General Mills could muster, and re-wrote cereal history. They created a cereal only stoners or guys with an early form of CTE could create. A mixture of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms, and Reese’s Puffs:
TRAVIS & JASON’s new CEREAL
“KELCE MIX”
— MLFootball (@_MLFootball) July 18, 2024
A closer look at the Kelce Mix cereal! Are you going to purchase?? #traviskelce pic.twitter.com/GRbadXsSKs
— Swiftie’s Unite (@swiftiesaunite) July 18, 2024
When they were trying to come up with an idea for the cereal do you think General Mills just put a bong in the middle of the conference room table and told them to take rips until someone came up with an idea? It’s like, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” was replaced by “How many bong rips does it take Travis to come up with combining three cereals that have made billions of dollars already?” I wouldn’t be surprised if the Trix Rabbit gave Jason the idea after he woke up from his stoner coma.
Speaking of stoners how pissed off do you think all of them are around America are right now? Your million dollar idea was right in your hands while you were watching Saturday cartoons. I’m so jealous of the Kelce’s. They have the world by the balls. They’re so popular they combine the Holy Trinity of cereals, slap their name on it, and make millions. It’s insane. They literally just created the Megazord from Power Rangers and called it a day. Next they’re going to combine Captain Crunch with Fruity Pebbles and call it the Kelce Mix 2.
If you ever were looking for evidence we live in a simulation look at the Kelce Bros. I feel like they’re living in some parallel universe. Like how did Travis Kelce go from hosting one of the worst dating shows ever to potentially marrying the biggest pop star in the world? How did a guy who would get drunk and pass out in the Dead Dog, go through his career in an undervalued position, and become a cultural icon? None of this makes any sense and I think if you asked the Kelce Brothers they’d say the same exact thing.
The cereal will be nationwide in Wal-Marts and other grocery stores in September selling at $5.96 according to Grace Tucker at The Columbus Dispatch.
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com