Eagles

Take it Till You Make it – ESP Says Coffee is “Not Good”

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Mar 3rd, 2022 · 3:28 PM EST

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Let’s get it back to the Eagles (beats):

Coffee is not good but there is no denying it looks cool to drink and carry around

— Eliot Shorr-Parks (@EliotShorrParks) March 3, 2022

ESP’s half right. It looks cool as fuck to carry coffee around. You can be doing absolutely nothing, but if you’re carrying coffee you automatically look like you’re busy. If you’re in the cube staring at a spreadsheet and just cashing a paycheck, no one will bother you if you have a coffee next to you.

It’s also important how you carry your coffee. Do you hold it from the top while you’re deep in conversation about Kenny Pickett’s lackluster hand size even after it was fluffed? Do you use the underhand grip from the bottom with laptop and notebook in the other arm snug against your chest, the international sign for “I’m late to a meeting”? Or do you just hold it normally, focused on the task at hand? The sneaky way to hold coffee; two hands wrapped around the cup, listening intently. This one is executed by women perfectly to show they care about the conversation when they could not give any less of a fuck. You’ll find this practice during morning networking sessions where execs are present.

Regarding the first part of ESP’s take, it’s the perfect hill to die on, because taste is a subjective sense. Everybody’s tastebuds are different. I hate the taste of tomatoes. They sell 35 billion pounds of them in the U.S. a year. So obviously people other than Tom Brady and I love them. I like La Colombe Coffee (because I’m 4 for 4 brother!) over Starbucks. Stumptown rules, but Rival Bro’s I’m ‘eh’ on. Wawa is good and Dunkin is there if I need to find out what it’s like doing cocaine before 9am. Coffee is best the way you enjoy it. Even you psychos who drink it black.

Take It Till You Make It will become a recurring theme on this site. I can guarantee Eliot will be a mainstay.