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We Found the Most Brain Dead Person in the Meadowlands and it Wasn’t Kevin Patullo
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
This sign pissed me off. I shouldn’t let a sign piss me off, but this sign pissed me off. As the great Silky Johnson once said, “I hope all bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.” –
I know I’m better than all of those mongrels inside that tin can. I’m a Super Bowl Champion. Two in the last seven years if you’re counting at home while they’ve resided at the bottom of the NFC East and NFL for over a decade. Not once in my life have the Eagles been through a decade of mediocrity like they have in the Meadowlands.
Still, I hate to see Giants fans get one over us. They’re nobodies with nothing to root for. At this point, football season is just an excuse for them to drink while the Yankees and Mets are hibernating. They’ll be celebrating this 2025 team 40 years from now for going 7-10 and Jaxson Dart will have to wheel Cam Skattebo out to the 50, while the Eagles will remain the gold standard. The cream of the crop.
This lady is in my head and it pisses me off. Not because it’s true. Not because the cameraman had the audacity to show it twice. Because this is the dumbest sign in the history of civilization. Up there with those parking signs no one knows how to read in Center City and “Stop Here on Red.” Perfect for today’s mouth-breather on social media. Have some shame, people. Did this chick just get out of a coma? Did the Giants make her drink so much last year she forgot about #2KSa? Did she forget to pay her cable bill for February on purpose?
Skattebo isn’t going to be able to hold Saquon’s jock when it’s all said and done. If he’s still in the league at 30 I’ll be shocked. That means the Chinese must’ve upped their game from inventing bone glue to brain glue. You think this guy is lasting two NFL contracts?
This sign wasn’t even the worst part about Thursday night, nor was it the Eagles losing. It was the ball-washing of Joe Schoen and Brian Daboll. Schoen has made move after move that has backfired and paid bad players over the good ones. Hell, he’s watching Daniel Jones, who is the reason Saquon is in Philly, raise his games to new heights in Indianapolis. Last night you would’ve thought the Giants were 4-2 and not 2-4 the way Al Michaels was talking about them. Daboll, on the other hand, is on like his seventh QB in four years, he’s 20-36, and he’s never finished better than third place in the division. He’s finally found lightning in a bottle and I can’t wait until that bottle disintegrates and ends up in a sewer that washes into the Hudson. That’s my only saving grace. I hope the Giants keep winning enough to save these two’s jobs. It’ll be the best thing to happen to the Eagles in the long term. The way Jaxson Dart and Skattebo play is not meant for long NFL careers. Patrick Johnson almost ruined every single Giants fan’s night and Daboll showed his ass when he didn’t give a shit about Dart’s bell ringing after undressing the doctor on the sideline so he didn’t have to watch one more snap of Russell Wilson:
The lion is concerned about plenty of things and the Giants aren’t even top-15. The Giants are like a nagging horsefly on a Kentucky Derby stallion’s ass they shoo away with one swift tail swipe. Let them read their press clippings. Let them get fat and happy. They have this one, but hopefully we put them back in their place in a couple weeks.
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com