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We Zaprudered the Eagles-Redskins Fight
By Kyle Scott
Published:
It’s been a while since we’ve had the opportunity, but you’ve got to give the people what they want. Here now, Zaprudering the Eagles-Redskins melee.
It’s just your casual Nick Foles non-interception. This’ll be overturned.
BAHWGOD SOMEONE JUST KILLED NICK FOLES!
Bus 92 ran him over. A traffic camera captured the moment of impact.
“YES! YES! WE KILLED A MAN!”
“YES!”
“YES!”
“YES!”
“Not so fast, my friend.”
Riley Cooper and Trent Cole rush off to join Jason Peters in avenging Foles’ death, and in the process form the most ironic tag-team since John McClane and Zeus Carver.
“I”ll fight every Redskin here, bro!”
Meanwhile, medical staff tends to Foles’ body. His death is brought to you by Nike.
Nick Foles: 1989-2014. Just do it.
David Anderson OFF THE TOP ROPE!
https://vine.co/v/O75Kli1nIbz
The Toddfather hides behind an official and doesn’t want to go to the mattresses.
“I was just trying to make the tackle. I got up off the ground and I saw Jason in a sprint after somebody and I was like, ‘Oh, no. This isn’t good,'” said Todd Herremans. “But I just think he was doing what he gets paid to do: protect Nick.”
“I thought about stepping in the way, but I just would have gotten murdered.”
“You know what, I’m going to pick this up. Not even a clown has enough handkerchiefs for this one.”
“Maybe not. But I will fucking murder you.”
The Petersssss and Ertzsssssss look on (I think).
“GET HIM, JASON! GET HIM, JASON!”
http://youtu.be/h1c0gOeBeQA&start=14
“Got him!”
11 mode?
“You’re fucking out, 92.”
“Bullshit, man.”
“Is he still behind me?”
A cup of tarter sauce enters the frame from the right. Upon landing, it appears to have changed direction, striking Senator Connally in the leg.
https://vine.co/v/O75ZuVzu0g7
“ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!”
Asshole.
Asshole.
Goddamn hero.
Goddamn hero.
Also goddamn heroes.
“I saw Nick on the ground and that’s really all you need to see,” said Malcolm Jenkins. “Whenever your quarterback is on the ground, you have to defend him. That’s what we hang our hat on. That’s our pride and joy. We can’t let cheap shots or anything happen to him.”
“I ran over there. I’m never going to hang my teammates out to dry,” said Brandon Boykin. “Definitely wanted to make sure we were protected and if people were really scuffling I wanted to make sure nothing serious happened if I could help it.”
“Wait a minute, this was all for nothing?”
credit to (@_weedie21) for the Cooper joke, quotes via Philly Mag, D-Jac photo via Emmanuel Acho, brought to you by Nike
Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.