Eagles

Why The Eagles Suck

By Kyle Scott

Published: Aug 11th, 2017 · 3:32 PM EDT

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Drew Magary’s annual Why The Eagles Suck column is out, just in time (and updated) to include the Matthews trade. I laughed so hard I cried reading it. Funniest part:

As for Philly, no one who talks about it as an up-and-coming the city has ever been west of 45th Street. Philly’s subway system literally goes up and down just three streets, and until less than a year ago it used tokens. Now there’s a new pass system, and it’s very simple, but in perfect Philly fashion, everyone is too stupid to understand even that somehow, which is why everyone thinks it sucks. The stadiums are in a shitty, out of the way giant parking lot that is walkable to nothing except the hulking Xfinity Live supermeatheadbar. Philly’s big culinary creations are the complicated concoctions of “hot meat and cheese on bread” and “cold meat and cheese on bread.” There is, for some reason, a giant dude in the skyline. There is, for some other reason, a statue of a fictional boxer that is one of the city’s top tourist attractions. The humidity is approximately 275 percent in summer.

Try not to take too much offense. Read it here.