Flyers

Apparently Keith Jones is a Serial Farter

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Jul 13th, 2023 · 11:26 AM EDT

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I hope Danny B doesn’t get stuck in an elevator with Keith Jones any time soon because he might not make it out alive.

According to Boomer & Gio at WFAN in New York, Jonesy is apparently a serial farter and burper during shows. So much that he has a reputation.

Here’s a partial transcript from Thursday’s morning show, starting at 9:49 a.m. –

GIO: Somebody told me that, and it’s not Spike (Eskin) that told me this, but someone who worked with Keith Jones told me he had an inordinate amount of gas. Lots of burping, lots of farting. Do you know that of him?

BOOMER: I do not know that of him, no. Want me to ask him?

GIO: Yeah. (Boomer texts Jones on air, discussion of how Gio tapes his own farts on his phone. Gio plays farts on air. Boomer asks if Jones tapes his farts.)

BOOMER: I can’t believe I sent Keith Jones that.

GIO: This guy was an intern on the Angelo Cataldi show and then ended up working with me in Pittsburgh. And he was like, “This Keith Jones, man, all he did was burp and fart. I love him, but he just burped and farted constantly during the show and it was awful.”(…)

BOOMER: By the way, Keith Jones did respond. He said, “That would melt the phone. Hope all is well Boomer LOL.”

So if I’m reading this correctly, that is a denial from Jonesy that he would burp and fart a lot during shows, but an admittance of guilt he could melt a phone with his ass gas. That’s awesome. Guys being dudes. I could only imagine the permanent scowl that’s decorated on Rhea Hughes’ face somehow some way getting worse. No shot she thinks farts are funny like Jonesy does.

How many air biscuits do you think Keith had to hold in during their super-secret meeting with Matty Michkov? Do farts translate well to Russian? Are farts universally beloved in all cultures, like they are in America? I could see Jonesy ripping some thunder from down under in the war room just to relieve the tension as the Flyers wondered if Michkov would actually fall to them. That Flyers employee on the hot mic probably got a tongue lashing with a side of pink eye.

Man I can’t stress enough how much farts rule. I ripped a juicy one during this blog. Almost shit myself:

https://twitter.com/CBroadBurner/status/1679510192231264256?s=20

There’s nothing better than a fart with your buddies, on long car rides, or in locker rooms. People who get upset about farts are generational losers. I bet you Carson Wentz yelled “ewwwwwwww” every time someone farted in the locker room. Farts build a winning culture. If the football players at Northwestern just farted on each other instead of playing dick carwash, Pat Fitzgerald would still have a job.

UPDATE: Some readers sent some evidence in. Here’s Jonesy telling a story of farting on the golf course with Al Morganti:

h/t @carterstuarty

He also named his farm in NJ Hoof Hearted. This dude just lives and breathes farting.