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No One Asked for the Philly Cheesesteak Milkshake

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Mar 5th, 2025 · 1:38 PM EST

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For who? For what?

Miami baseball is playing Villanova today.

Fans in the stands can get the @MarkLightShake special made for the game:

It’s a philly cheesesteak milk shake with vanilla ice cream and vanilla syrup that’s topped with a mini cheesesteak sandwich! pic.twitter.com/qvxrCYs4N3

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) March 5, 2025

Gimmicky sports arena food items are fine most of the time, because the whole idea is one of novelty. It’s a quirky and unique thing that you buy at the ballpark and try at least once in your life and say you did it. You take a picture and put it on Instagram. “Look at me! I’m eating ice cream out of a miniature jock strap!”

That being said, we’ve gone so far off the novelty food item deep end that we’re in Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling’s La La Land. There is no legitimate reason for making this. It’s meat, cheese, and bread on top of a vanilla milkshake. These flavors don’t mix and even if you eat the cheesesteak portion first, it’s dumb. Just buy a separate cheesesteak and a separate milkshake.

The thought of coagulated cheese seeping into a milkshake makes me go into the motion your cat makes when it’s trying to cough up a hairball. HURK! HURK! You know the sound. These flavors make less sense than a Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons pick and roll. It would be like putting Matvei Michkov on a line with Donald Brashear and Nic Deslauriers. The only person who should be eating the Philly cheesesteak milkshake is Oscar the Grouch, because it would be going into a trash can.

 

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