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If the Phillies are Serious About Landing Star Japanese Players, They Should Add Bidets to the Clubhouse
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This is from Scott Merkin, the White Sox writer at MLB.com:
There will be a new White Sox addition within their 2026 Rate Field home clubhouse, thanks to another new addition within their 2026 Rate Field home clubhouse.
Munetaka Murakami is the latter of those two, after agreeing to a two-year, $34 million deal as possibly the biggest signing from the pacific rim in franchise history.
As for that first new addition? Well, it’s a bidet, as recommended by the power hitting first baseman from Japan during his first trip to the South Side of Chicago and ensuing walkthrough of the facilities.
“One thing that stood out, one thing he did notice is I think we didn’t have a bidet in our locker room,” general manager Chris Getz told MLB.com. “That’s something that’s new to him, and we are putting one in. So, it was like, ‘Ok, that’s new. We can do that.’”
Is this the reason why the Phillies can’t land any big Japanese players? Are the clubhouse toilets not up to standard? Are they using single-ply TP down there? Get Sal Pal on the phone and we’ll launch a forensic investigation.
Did you know that other countries look down on the United States because we don’t use bidets? They think we’re dirty. They find our hygiene to be gross because we wipe our rear ends with paper instead of using water sprayers. Gotta admit, I’ve never given it serious thought. Bidet culture just isn’t a thing around here, so it’s really ignorance more than having any kind of pro-bidet or anti-bidet stance.
That being said, the bidet is common throughout Europe and in Japan and South Korea. They’re actually legally-required to be in Italian buildings, which is interesting. Most American homes are not pre-plumbed for traditional bidet setup, but we can retrofit to make it work. Perhaps we can do some bidet content on our socials in the coming weeks.
Obviously the key here is that the Phillies will not be attractive to Asian players until they add bidets to the clubhouse. The only two Japanese-born players to appear in a game for the Phils are Tadahito Iguchi and So Taguchi, so we’re long past due.
One thing that definitely won’t cut it, moving forward, is TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE:
Kevin has been writing about Philadelphia sports since 2009. He spent seven years in the CBS 3 sports department and started with the Union during the team's 2010 inaugural season. He went to the academic powerhouses of Boyertown High School and West Virginia University. email - k.kinkead@sportradar.com