Mets For Sale on Craigslist

Due to some financial mishaps, a once in a lifetime opportunity has arisen. For a mere $200 million you can now own 25% of the New York Mets. As a part owner of the Mets, you'll be afforded the following perks: 

* Mr. Met will entertain guests at your child's birthday party, bat/bar mitzvah, or any other family event 
* A private autograph session with stars such as; Luis Castillo, Pat Misch, and Mets' ace, R.A. Dickey. 
* Guaranteed September collapse 
* You can be the starting second baseman 
* A meet and greet with Mets announcer, Keith Hernandez, where you can ask him questions or run your fingers through his mustache 
* A jar of Carlos Beltran's desire to play baseball as well as some cartilage from his knee 
* Family counseling sessions with Francisco Rodriguez 
* Join us for the Mets Christmas karaoke. Sing songs with Jason Bay from his favorite album, "The Wall," by Pink Floyd. 
* An Eddie Kunz bobblehead doll 

What's Not Included: 

* October Baseball 
* Any say in the baseball operations 
* Defeating the Phillies for the NL East division in the next decade 

Act now, operators are standing by…