Phillies

Morning Wood: Dognabbit!

By Kyle Scott

Published: Sep 14th, 2012 · 9:26 AM EDT

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I told you. I told you about this Astros series. It’s happened before– Phils play down-and-out team with nothing to lose in front of non-existent crowdOHMYGODTHISGUY:

Look at him and his epic stache: perfect handlebar shape, 12-year growth, cowboy hat, pins(?), winglets for less drag and increased fuel efficiency… oh yeah, that guy voted for Bush.

Of course, it was only a few minutes after the broadcast showed him and Chris Wheeler dissected his appearance when a bunch of guys I never heard of took the lead against Phillippe Aumont, Jake Diekman, Erik Kratz, and Nate Schierholtz, who played crucial roles in the eighth inning as the Phillies continued their search for the #FifthandFinal Wild Card spot. Something looks wrong about that last sentence, but it’s quite accurate. The Astros won, and I’m blaming that Yosemite Sam-looking motherfucker.

Others: The Cardinals won. The Dodgers lost (to the Cardinals). The Wild Card standings look like this:

Here are some random links as me, my fever, and our newly adopted one-year-old Lab-Whippet mix (who Ms. CB and I are trying out for the weekend) get things started this morning. NO, YOU CAN’T CHEW MY ARM RIGHT NOW. I’M BLOG…. 

… 

… make that one link, before I get eaten: KATE MIDDLETON TOPLESS. Let me reword that: KATE MIDDLETON TOPLESS. Actually, I didn’t reword that at all, I just wanted to say it again, to make sure it’s still true. The Royal Family has another nude scandal with KATE MIDDLETON TOPLESS. Morning Wood indeed. NO, DOG, DON’T BITE THAT! 

Btw– you better appreciate the way that Yosemite Sam, mustache guy, dagnabbit pun, Wood, new dog, and Kate Middleton thing came together. That shit takes talent.