Phillies

Phillies Fan Ranks Francisco Lindor’s Grand Slam in Front of Dog Dying for Worst Moment of Her Life

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Oct 10th, 2024 · 10:49 AM EDT

---

What a collection of Hoagie Mouths this produced:

Phillies fans are handling their team’s playoff exit well.

“I feel like I might either check into AA, therapy, or an institute of some sort because this is crap. It’s full of crap.”

H/T: @69News pic.twitter.com/Lyul36orT8

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) October 10, 2024

You could tell that girl in the beginning was pressing more than the Phillies were all series. A microphone and bright lights in her face, she was trying to go viral with every quote that came out of her mouth. But unlike the Phillies she came through when it mattered. Ranking her dead dog behind Francisco Lindor’s home run as the worst moment of her life gave me a chuckle. She cleared the bases though when she came back out of nowhere and basically Home Alone’d all the bartenders, Xfinity, and her best friend and banished them to the shadow realm.

This entire spot had more hitters in it than the bottom half of the Phillies lineup. Only a chick from Florida would drive 21 hours and her first stop would be Xfinity Live! That’s both passion and sad. That girl’s full of piss, vinegar, and eight Miller Lites. Didn’t even take a breath her entire answer. I have no idea how she evacuated six or seven hours ago and drove 21 hours in time to make the game, but I don’t ask questions about Florida girls named Montana. “I had no sleep! No sleep!” Easy there Florida Girl. Good news is you can hibernate for the rest of fall. We’ll wake you up a couple days before Gasparilla. By then your hangover will have subsided and maybe your vocal flare will be gone. At that point your Phillies will be less than a month from pitchers and catchers reporting.

Then finally we have the two guys in the overalls. I’d rather be the Menendez brothers right now than then these two bros. One group actually has a chance of getting out of this prison they were put in.

How far into the night do you think they looked at each other and were like, “The overalls were a bad choice.”? The sixth inning? Yea, it was probably the 6th inning. There’s sadness and then there’s a sadness where you’re dressed in nothing but overalls and walking back to your apartment in South Philly. This has to be the worst walk of shames these two have ever done.

Not gonna lie, I needed this laugh. What a collection of people. This is what dreams have to be made of for reporters who were given the duty of covering a half-filled Xfinity Live! on a Wednesday night. The A crew got Queens and you’re stuck in Philadelphia in some DoubleTree next to the airport for 72 hours.

If I was building a lineup I’d go Menendez Bros at #1 and #2, Courtney O’Neil in the #3 spot, and Montana Chambers at clean up. That’s a stacked lineup. I know plenty would switch out Courtney and Montana, but I want Courtney to get as much at bats as possible. She’s full of thoughts (and voices) inside her head ready to come out. All she has to do is drive the ball to the gap and move the runner. Then here comes Montana to clear the bases andicameheremyfirststopihadnosleepnosleep!