Phillies

Philly.com with the Aging Vagina Double Entendre

By Kyle Scott

Published: May 31st, 2013 · 9:27 AM EDT

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Credit where it’s due for this headline. As for the survey itself: CougarLife.com (not Monica Malpass’ personal blog) users declared Cole Hamels the second-most desirable baseball player behind David Wright. Not surprising. I know, I know– most Philly folks, dudes especially, would expect that if any Phillie were to be on this list, it would be Chase Utley, Cliff Lee or pussy magnet Kevin Frandsen. We think of Cole as the nerdy California boy. But that’s not how he’s viewed by a wider audience. And – I know this isn’t going to be a popular statement – having stood next to him on multiple occasions, I can tell you that he is quite striking up-close. The jaw formation, subtle stubble and confident demeanor are more evident in-person than they are on TV. I fancy myself an observer of attractive humans (and a straight man), and Cole is an attractive human:

We’ll forever think of him has the long-haired California kid… but he’s grown into a man… a very rich one… with boyish good looks… who helps children… and has a Playboy wife. His existence basically combines Freud, wealth, emotion and jealously into one neat little, yet tall, package. Of course cougars want him on their mound! His soak quotient™ is out-of-the-park.