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The Phillies are Selling Tons of Chase Utley-Themed Merch to Celebrate His Wall of Fame Induction
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Chase Utley is being inducted into the Phillies Wall of Fame this weekend, and the Phils aren’t about to miss the opportunity to sell limited-edition t-shirts for $65. The Philly Captain was down at the Bank and got some footage of the tons of Chase Utley-themed stuff the Phillies have cooked up for the occasion:
Some of the stuff looks cool. Oher stuff looks very bad. I’ll run through a quick review here:
A Review of all the Chase Utley Merch in This Video, in Order of Presentation:
The Red Chase Utley Hat: This is solid. It’s clean. I personally wouldn’t wear it because it seems kind of odd to have a hat with just a guy’s name on the front. Not sure that really works. Maybe if it were my own name I could do it. That could possibly be something. Or a musician’s name. BILLY JOEL. Maybe not. I’d have to think about this some more. But anyway, again, the design is fine overall. It’s a fine hat. I’ll give it a 6/10.
The Red Chase Utley T-shirt: This one’s solid. I’d wear this t-shirt. I don’t really have any knocks on it. Clean fonts on the back, clean logo on the front. A good t-shirt for big Chase fans out there. 7/10.
The Black 90s-looking Chase T-shirt: I think this style of t-shirt has kind of been beaten to death over the last few years. I see it around a good amount, this retro graphic tee style, with like Carmella Soprano on the front. I thought they were interesting at first, but have grown pretty tired of them. Seems like something uninteresting people wear to seem interesting:
But nevertheless, if I remove my own bias/the oversaturation of this style, it is a cool shirt. I’ll give it a 6.5/10. I personally wouldn’t buy it. Definitely not for $50. Unless I’d already consumed one very large ballpark can of Yuengling. Then it’s anyone’s guess. Who knows.
The Chase Utley Pinstriped Hat: This one is a damn crime. At first glance, I was ready to give this hat an 8.5/10. The front of the hat is great. The pinstripes are awesome. Everything was working… Then the hat was turned to the side, revealing a massive, crooked ’26’ plastered on it. Who did this? Who decided this sick-ass hat needed a big sideways ’26?’ The ’26’ plummets the score, of course. I’m dropping it to a 2/10. The Wall of Fame patch on the side is bad too. Way too big. Patches should not be that huge/rectangular. It’s also $55. Insane. No way. Not even after a huge cold Yuengling.
The Chase Utley Bobblehead: 10/10. Good bobblehead. It’s tough to mess up a bobblehead. Feel like just about any bobblehead in the world is an 8.5/10 and up. Cool sunglasses there on the bobblehead, too. 10/10 it is.
The Magnet/Pin/First Baseball Shown Here: All 10/10. Perfectly fine knickknacks. Good stuff.
The Gold Chase Utley Baseball: The best for last. 12/10. This thing rules. Would be a very funny thing to have. There’s a circular photo of him on the ball, too. The gold/circular picture combo is very religious. Would be nice to line up like eight of these on my mantle with a tall thin candle on either side and a $5,000 medieval-style portrait of Chase above it. No TV in the living room. Just the religious Chase area. TV would be a distraction from the Chase area. The Chase area is for reflecting on Chase.
They’re also selling these Chase Utley jerseys with the Wall of Fame patch on the sleeve, which I’d give a 10/10. I like this patch. It’s a nice-looking patch:
Congrats, Chase. Wall of Fame induction. Hats that just say your name. Gold baseballs with your photo on them. Big weekend. Enjoy.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…) email: M.Schultz@sportradar.com