Phillies

This Completely Unverified Reader Email Posits a Theory Why Cole Hamels Moved Across the Street

By Kyle Scott

Published: Aug 18th, 2014 · 11:23 AM EDT

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You may recall the brief panic that occurred last week when Philly.com reported that Cole and Heidi Hamels sold their Newtown Square home. And you may also recall the collective head-slapping that occurred once everyone learned they bought a new one RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. It’s kind of an odd move, and this completely unverified, take with a giant spoonful of salt, possibly not true email from reader S sheds some light on the Hamelseseseseses’ move:

Hello,

Just wanted to say first off, I love the blog and am also a Tottenham fan. Moving onto the tip; [redacted tenuous connection] went to dinner with Cole and Heidi the other night and asked them why they moved across the street from where they live now. Apparently (and Heidi had no hesitation stating this) they moved because the lighting was bad at their old house, and she couldn’t sunbathe naked efficiently enough. To reiterate, the primary reason for the move was so that the woman on Survivor, who got naked for peanut butter, could sunbathe in the nude. So when the new house became available, they jumped on it. Fun fact. COYS

That is a fun fact, reader S. We may never know the real reason why Cole and Heidi Hamels moved, but I will forever believe it was because Playmate reality star philanthropist Heidi wanted to sunbathe in the nude. Oh to live in that development.

Meanwhile, the sexiest thing to happen in my cul-de-sac this month was when my neighbor mowed his lawn shirtless this morning.