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This is an Insane Way to Eat a Cheesesteak in Public
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
There is a certain level of decorum you have to have when you’re visiting a city. Do your research, respect the culture, learn a few key phrases if you need to, but most importantly don’t do anything that might get you in trouble. That plays for everywhere you visit. Well this Padres fan I was sitting behind last night spit in the face of every rule imaginable when I caught him eating his cheesesteak with a fork. That’s right. He had the audacity to disrespect our entire city, the Founding Fathers, and Rocky when I saw him and his lady come back to his seat with a cheesesteak with a fork. Fork this guy:
And miss me with the “gluten allergy” or “keto diet”. You can see that bread is obviously picked at. He pigeoned that shit. It feels like he even was about to make his own scooped roll until he bailed out, which apparently is a thing Californians push on the east coast every time they fly over here. Listen, I don’t fly to the west coast and vandalize the Kobe mural or swim with the sea lions in Fisherman’s Wharf. I don’t eat carne asada tacos with a fork and leave the shell or unwrap the breakfast burrito and take the fries out. I respect that you do things a little differently and suck it up. No one wants to go out to eat with the guy with multiple substitutions.
And to be honest, I would never expect the guy who was sitting in front of me to do this. He wasn’t your typical San Diegan. He was MASSIVE, with a neck the size of Hulk Hogan, decorated with tattoos. A Manny Machado jersey tight on his broad shoulders vaping away like every pull was his last breath. Now if he was a wearing thong sandals, a Quiksilver shirt, pooka shells, a Fernando Tatis jersey, and cargo shorts I wouldn’t have even blinked. His girl even put the fork down and went in for a couple bites at one point. Him? No dice. The fact this was in public baffles me. What else is this guy comfortable doing when other people are around?
I gotta wonder, if he would’ve just asked for ribeye couldn’t he have just mentioned that? He can’t be the first person in the 20 year history of CBP that didn’t want the bread. The sandwiches are typically made-to-order. I’m sure if he just asked the person behind the counter they’d more than oblige. The fact he didn’t and still got the roll feels like our Philly reputation precedes us. Are people from the west coast afraid of Philadelphia? Is that our fault people don’t feel comfortable in the ballpark and are afraid to ruffle any feathers? If that’s the case I love it! Four hours of hell, baby! They spend nine innings looking over their shoulder for a D-battery. If you want to become the best fanbase in sports you’re going to have to crack a couple skulls eggs. Come to think of it this couple was pretty quiet the entire time, even when they took the lead in the 4th. I didn’t realize until now they were sitting on pins and needles the whole game. What’s in the water out there in San Diego? No wonder we own these bums.
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com