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We Have an Update on the Woman Who Got SMOKED by a Max Kepler Home Run (UPDATED)
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
Remember the woman who got smoked in the face by Max Kepler’s home run on Tuesday?
That poor lady had her face covered the entire time until the last second, which was at the point of impact. Her poor orbital bone must be barking. You know how I know that?
Well we’ve got an update:
First off, prayers up to Gayle! Hoping for a speedy recovery because those pics look GNARLY. I love her quote though, “It’s not his fault he’s hitting dingers into the stands.” You’re goddamn right it isn’t, Gayle! Chicks dig the long ball indeed! My medical prognosis says it’s a broken nose because of the raccoon eyes, right? Heal up and lets get her ready for Red October. I hope the Phillies get her some swag for her troubles and shout out to Helen from the med staff.
Secondly, those dudes who allegedly didn’t give her the ball are scumbags. If she didn’t ask for it, then fine, but the fact that she’s in concussion protocol and still has the wherewithal to inquire and they still didn’t give it to her make them absolute dorks. These are the kind of guys who take a ball away from a kid when Nick Castellanos throws it into the stands. I mean give me a break. It’s a Max Kepler ball. It’s not Bryce Harper’s 500th. It’s probably rolling around in one of these guys’ trunks right now. At least Gayle would have a cool story. What do these guys tell their buddies, “I got this Kepler homer after it almost murdered an old lady”? Not to mention the dude in the Lenny Dykstra jersey completely whiffed on the ball. Go back and watch the tape! Why would you want that ball? Everyone just saw your ole bullshit and poor Gayle paid the price because you were out picking daisies in right field and not practicing fundamentals in the Brookhaven Little League. If I was emasculated like that in front of the entire Delaware Valley I wouldn’t want anything to do with that ball. Instead we’ve got alligator arms that would put Todd Pinkston to shame. And don’t think I don’t see the big dude in the white Phillies jersey who whiffed as well. I’ll give him grace because he was a row behind, but absolutely disgusting performance from everyone in that section. Almost as bad as the bullpen that night.
P.S. We don’t need a social media lynching or anything where these idiots get dox’d, but just a public shaming so the next time baseball bounces off of some poor lady’s face we at least hand it over.
UPDATE: Gayle got the ball and we get some more context about everything that went down:
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com