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I Can’t Believe I Want to Blow Up a Team That Won the NL East for the First Time in 13 Years

Kyle Pagan

By Kyle Pagan

Published:

Photo: Wendell Cruz-Imagn Images

I can’t believe I want to blow up a team that won the NL East for the first time in 13 years. But that’s exactly what I want to do. I can’t think of anything else right now since Francisco Lindor ripped our hearts out:

The two teams in this series were night and day. Francisco Lindor hits a grand slam and the Phillies go 1-2-3 the next inning. It was poetic. That was the story of the series. A team that had consistent competitive at bats and a team that looked like they had no idea that the playoffs started. The only ones who shouldn’t be walking back to Philadelphia are the starting pitchers. Make everyone else hitchhike on the turnpike. And miss me with the “Mets are a better team” narrative. This Phillies had better pitchers, hitters, and a bullpen coming into the series. We watched this nightmare last year. I would say this is the most embarrassing playoff performance during my life if last year the exact same thing didn’t happen. The bats went cold and the bullpen couldn’t get it done – and that DBacks team actually sucked.

I have no idea and I’m not going to pretend I have one. Trea Turner has NINE more fucking years and his numbers are down and he can’t play defense. Can’t have Bryson Stott & Brandon Marsh both continue to be black holes against lefties and unable to start playoff games. Can’t have Alec Bohm anywhere near this team. Most people have never seen an All-Star completely melt down in the playoffs. Philly fans have seen two in three years. Casty and Schwarbs will be another year older. Who knows if JT’s knees even make it another year. How long is Aaron Nola gonna be able to be stay durable? Zack Wheeler is another year older. This is crazy to say out loud, especially after this series, but the only group I feel good about is the bullpen. They just have to nut up in these big situations. This lineup doesn’t compliment each other enough. Just fucking ridiculous gong show of a team. All I hear is Juan Soto this. Juan Soto that. He’s going to get like $500-700 million. You think John Middleton is going to allocate $1.1 billion to three guys? Aren’t beers already like $18? The goddamn Phanatic is going to drive around on his ATV wearing more ads than a NASCAR driver.

And I can’t even blame all of this on Topper because I think he complements these guys well. There’s a reason why they play for him. Leaving Jeff Hoffman in still doesn’t make any sense, but there’s a reason why he’s got the highest winning percentage in franchise history. We saw how these guys react when a hardass like Joe Girardi is the manager. Now I would like him to keep the foot on the gas more during the regular season instead of worry about injuries. But that’s not always how today’s MLB player reacts.

The future feels bleak. Up down, left right this season was an organizational failure. This could get ugly quick. Like post-2011 ugly. This is a huge offseason with a lot of tough decisions to be made and not a lot of expiring deals to be had. Dave Dombrowski needs to answer for a lot of this too. I don’t care Whit Merrifield didn’t perform like he should’ve. All he got was Austin Hays as a depth bat at the deadline. Last year it was Rodolfo Castro. He’s Daryl Morey with a dimple chin. The first order of business if they really want some good press, and they’re going to need it, is to bring Dollar Dog Night back. I’m completely serious. The Phillies have never lost in the playoffs against the Mets when they had Dollar Dog Night on the schedule.

It’s funny that one team said sayonara to DDN and the other one embraced:

Kyle Pagan
Kyle Pagan

Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com

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