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Jaylen Brown Can’t Stop Getting His Fake Hairline on NBA Defenders
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
This is my favorite running bit of the NBA season so far. Jaylen Brown has a fake hairline and it keeps rubbing off on guys defending him:
Did we learn nothing from Carlos Boozer?
Brown’s hair is like an Exxon Valdez oil spill and players are the poor ducks in the water. Equipment guys everywhere must sigh when they see the Celtics on the schedule knowing the wash is going to take extra long that night. At least make this guy wear a shower cap. How long until the NBA suspends him for a uniform violation? The NFL fines guys when their socks aren’t all the way up. The NBA needs to step in and get this under control. This is basically a prohibited logo. This is now Jaylen Brown’s calling card. I wouldn’t be shocked if his team is turning this into a marketing opportunity with Just For Men or something. The Sixers better think quick and make the Celtics game next week a black jersey game.
Shoutout to Brown though, because at least he’s open with talking about it. The guys who pretend like their hair isn’t peeling back off their head are the crazy ones. Thank god I don’t understand what it’s like to be follicly challenged. Sure LeBron has every basketball accomplishment you could ask for and billions in the bank, but he’ll never have a hairline better than mine and I know that’s what eats at him the most. I mean the fact he’s been able to hold on into his 40s is a credit to modern science in the hair game. Brown even called the Final Boss to help him out:
I don’t get it. Why would you want to hold on for so long that your hairline starts to look like Doc Rivers?
Doc Rivers shows off his fresh cut 🔥🔥🔥
byu/Professor_Finn innbacirclejerk
Absolutely not. It’s time to join the dark side and become one of the greatest bald ballers in the NBA’s rich history of them. Bald is beautiful. Ask Nick Sirianni, the bald eagle, and Zack Baun. And it’s not even like Brown’s hairline is that bad. It’s passable. We’ve seen some bad ones. Guys with hair on the sides and a strip smoother than the Autobahn. Some guys rock the Friar Tuck willingly, which is nuts. Then you have whatever the hell this is:
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com