Sixers

Some Thoughts on Markelle Fultz’s Summer League Debut and the Celtics Team Reporter Slash PR Dum Dum

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jul 5th, 2017 · 10:26 AM EDT

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First of all, Fultz is so smooth and effortless that I’m concerned people (read: idiots) are going to think he’s not trying out there. If you thought Ben Simmons looked casual last year, Fultz looks like an orca going through his routine for the 3,029th time at SeaWorld. Just so graceful and pure. But don’t let that calmness fool you– there’s a killer instinct in there me thinks, and just when you least expect IT, boom, the hesitation pull-up, or, if you prefer, DRAGGING THE TRAINER UNDERWATER AND MAULING THEM TO DEATH. Either way, Fultz is certainly something more than impressive, unless you’re Celtics Dave Spadaro, Marc D’Amico, who was all McKayla Maroney*:

This following universal praise for Fultz’s game early on where he displayed a vast array of offensive moves and defensive prowess. It’s almost as if D’Amico is trying to brainwash Celtics fans into thinking that trading away the number one pick was a good idea. His tactics may be effective:

A fun footnote to this is that, after the game, Jayson Tatum literally said he was out of shape because he hasn’t played a game in a while. Don’t throw stones, toon.

I, for one, am thrilled about the impending Sixers-Celtics rivalry and then the Sixers shitting on them for the next decade as their fan base tries to convince themselves that Isiah Thomas, Gordon Hayward and Al Horford form a competitive core capable of challenging the best teams in the league. That’s cute. Oh and hey, if you want to throw Jayson Tatum into that mix, be my guest– he looked equally as impressive in the Celtics’ big summer league win, showing his athleticism and versatility. Though I do find it ironic that his game-winning shot was an iso pull-up long two-point jumper, the very thing that likely hurt his draft stock and pegged him as an old school player whose skill set isn’t so valuable today. Meanwhile, Markelle Fultz appears that he can get into the lane by accident, with ease, and then just decide to collect buckets since he’s already there.

*I really respect the fact that her Instagram (@mckaylamaroney) has gone full IG model and in every photo she looks like she just had sex or is about to have sex. Every photo! It’s incredible. Respect dat.