News

The Worst of Philadelphia: Down to 12

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Mar 28th, 2018 · 6:35 PM EDT

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Sixteen entered, but only one can win.

It’s the Hunger Games!

Actually, no, it’s the “Worst of Philadelphia,” the most aggravating crap we deal with in the City of Brotherly Love.

We started the competition with four matchups on… the left side of the bracket, I guess. I was too lazy to name the different regions, so we’ll just go with “left” and “right.”

First up, it was a contest between the #1 overall seed, the utterly revolting PPA, and the cluster$#@! known as “95 Revive,” the construction project that just never ends:

Alright it's time to vote in the Crossing Broad "Worst of Philadelphia" bracket. We'll start it off with the #1 overall seed, the corrupt and vile Philadelphia Parking Authority, versus the #4 seed I-95 construction (it's an outrage).

— Kevin Kinkead (@Kevin_Kinkead) March 26, 2018

It was close for awhile, but the PPA leeches sucked the life (and hard-earned money) out of I-95 construction to advance to the second round.

The 2/3 matchup in that regional also finished in a 62% to 38% split, with our Comcast overlords defeating “trash everywhere” for a comfortable win:

Next up in the "Worst of Philadelphia" bracket is the #2 seed, Comcast "Customer Service," vs. trash everywhere. Both are garbage, one literally and one figuratively:

— Kevin Kinkead (@Kevin_Kinkead) March 26, 2018

I switched to FIOS three years ago.

The other #1 seed on that side of the bracket, the totally unfair city wage tax, had no problem dispatching the panhandler problem:

Alright let's move on to more important things, like the Crossing Broad "Worst of Philadelphia "bracket. Next up is a battle between two entities that want your money, but only one is really worth helping:

— Kevin Kinkead (@Kevin_Kinkead) March 27, 2018

Let’s get those people off the street and under a roof.

The last left-sided matchup was a FRIGGIN’ NAIL BITER between Philly Mag race-baiting (spear-headed by you know who) and cash-only restaurants with a $3 ATM surcharge:

One final matchup for today in the "Worst of Philadelphia" bracket – it's the #2 seed, Philly Mag race baiting vs. the #3 seed, cash-only restaurants with a $3 ATM surcharge. Both are a total outrage.

— Kevin Kinkead (@Kevin_Kinkead) March 27, 2018

In the end, the race-baiters triumphed over the shady tax-dodging restaurants by a 51% to 49% margin.

Here’s how the bracket looks after the first round of voting:

I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to the next few matchups. There are some powerhouses on the other side of the bracket, like the Sure-Kill Expressway and the trendy Cinderella pick, sports radio callers.

Time’s yours.