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HISTORY: 97-Year-Old Tortoise at Philly Zoo is Oldest First-Time Mom Ever
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
One of the most amazing feats civilization has ever seen is happening right here in Philadelphia! We’ve got a 97-year-old tortoise becoming a mom for the first time EVER and pushing out kids like the Sixers handed out 10-day contracts this season. Shout out to Mommy and Abrazzo for having no quit in their game, via the Action News digital staff:
The Philadelphia Zoo‘s famous Western Santa Cruz Galapagos tortoises, named Mommy and Abrazzo, are proud parents again! Both are nearly 100 years old. They just welcomed three new male hatchlings. These are from the same clutch of eggs that produced four female tortoises earlier in the year, putting Mommy on the map as the oldest, first-time mom of her species.
Now a lot of people are going to say that these tortoises are idiots for waiting until they were almost a century old to have kids. Who’s wiping whose ass, amirite folks? But I think this is amazing! Sure, it’s a win for conservation every time a tortoise pops out some more, but it’s even crazier that tortoises can still pop kids out at 97. It’s even crazier that dude tortoises can even get their stuff going at that age. Mommy’s gonna make the headlines, but I’d like to give a special shoutout to Abrazzo. I know it ain’t easy brother when Mommy’s probably been over there giving you that look this whole time after a couple of Franzias. I mean the zoo moved Abrazzo up from South Carolina strictly to mate. As a guy who’s met a couple people from South Carolina I know this tortoise probably has a previous family he abandoned for new life up north and he didn’t need a new one. But a zebra doesn’t change it’s stripes. This old dog WILL hunt. You know Abrazzo sneaky likes the thrill too. His buddies told him to get snipped, but he didn’t listen. He knew he was on this Earth for one thing and that was to mate and he mates with the best of them.
And btw, if you think these two are done popping them out you haven’t been paying attention. These tortoises can’t even spell quit:
The baby boom might not be over yet. The zoo is monitoring more eggs Mommy laid in January. Nine of 16 eggs show signs of development in the incubators.
How about the smooth-brained trainer back in the 20s who couldn’t come up with a name better than “Mommy”? Then again, I guess it was the Roaring 20s, so that zookeeper was probably all hopped up on liquor and opium. Could you imagine being fresh off a bender and probably hadn’t even showered before going into work to deliver nine new tortoises? By the time he got to the runt he ran out of names and just assumed ‘well that tortoise will be a mom one day, so why not name her Mommy?’ There was no naming competition like the zoos use today. It was just some alcoholic naming tortoises. Man that guy was so close to looking like the biggest idiot in the world. The clock almost struck midnight. You know how many zookeepers he probably hung out to dry after him? I can’t imagine the amount of questions kids on field trips asked wondering why the tortoise named Mommy wasn’t a Mommy. Probably thousands.
Abrazzo’s dementia kicking in during the zoo poker game:
P.S. There’s definitely someone reading this that just had the morning from hell getting their kids ready to school cursing these idiot tortoises.
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com