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I Can’t Believe How Many People in Philly are Pro-PPA (UPDATE)
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
Who is the PPA’s PR person? They’re doing a bang-up job. I didn’t know there were people who actually rode for the PPA this hard when I wrote on Wednesday how much of an asshole you are if you narc on your fellow citizens with the Laser Vision tool. I was shocked when I read through the replies to that article. Some of the people who I’ve seen complain about authority and oversight online are now backing the blue? What a turn of events! My name has been dragged through the mud, I’m being accused of being anti-cop and an ableist, and the worst accusation of them all is that I live in Delco! Just kidding, Delco. I love you.
I’ll say this – if being anti-PPA is wrong then I don’t want to be right. You just don’t get to waltz in here like you’re saving the day after you bloodsuckers built up decades of mistrust and abuse all over the city. Anyone who has had their car illegally towed or witnessed a meter maid give them a ticket when it just expired knows this type of rage I’m talking about. Sorry, I’m not into giving the PPA more power and another revenue stream. Maybe they should hire more help with the hundreds of millions they make a year to ticket these vehicles and not rely on us snitching on each other, Lord of the Flies style.
I called this. I knew I was going to have urbanist and bike Twitter on my ass, crawling out from the deepest, darkest corners of the Internet. I will admit that it’s partly my fault for wading into those waters, but man are these wackjobs brutal. Just a bunch of faceless accounts afraid to show who they really are, armed with their moral superiority and telling me I’m a heathen. Humorless dorks that can’t take a joke comparing the PPA to the Taliban. They couldn’t wait to dust off the Thesaurus and use their big words to dunk on me in 4K. Bikers apparently are the most infallible people in this city, which is funny because nobody breaks traffic laws in this city like bikers. They blatantly speed through red lights and ignore stop signs then look at you like you’re the bad guy when it was your turn. My favorite is when they ride against the flow or weave in and out of traffic. The worst is when they ride on sidewalks. It makes my fucking blood boil. What’s worse is none of them have a clue. They apparently live in this la-la land where they think just because you report these cars to the PPA people are going to magically stop parking illegally. They won’t. There are too many cars and not enough places to park in this city. You want that Amazon package delivered efficiently, don’t you?
And the funny part that I don’t think people understand because they are blind with rage is that we both agree on the bigger picture. It’s not right that cars and trucks park in bike lanes. I like a good bike ride as much as the next guy. As a multi-time survivor of an Indego Bike ride down the Girard Ave highway I understand the anger when a Nissan Altima is double parked. It pisses me off too. Not enough to report them to those assholes at the PPA, but a strongly worded message (under my breath of course). Nobody wants to see bikers hit and handicapped people feel like they can’t leave their house because their route is upended. But the hard truth is people aren’t going to stop parking illegally because you’re uploading their plates to the PPA. Even having the PPA as part of the equation turns half the people in this city off. I’d bet most of the time some PPA officer is too busy eating lunch in their car parked illegally around the corner to get to these cars in time anyway. I’m all for better programs to stop this stuff than snitching on your fellow man, like chicanes, barriers, etc.
I know I’ll be on the right side of history. Just give it time. The PPA always shows its true colors in the end. When it’s all said and done, and I’m six-feet under and the PPA is continuing to be one of the most corrupt organizations this city has ever seen, I want the people to know I never wavered. I looked the PPA and their cult in the eyes and stood tall. If I can’t get Luigi Mangione apologist on my side, it’s just something I’ll have to live with:
The ironic thing is we all despise road blocks.
Kinkead: I don’t have a dog in the fight, since I’m out in the suburbs now, but I did live in Philly for 10 years and I think urbanist Twitter is being naive in thinking that people are going to fall in line and start dry snitching to the PPA just because Rich Lazer is in charge now. It’s not that people don’t care about safety, like disabled folks in wheelchairs trying to cross the street, which is a ridiculous strawman accusation. The core problem is that an overwhelming portion of residents and commuters have zero trust in an agency that has constantly ripped us off going back decades, using adversarial and emotionless tactics, constantly ticketing people for being two minutes late to a meter or parking one inch over a line. You’re gonna need more than a new director and scarlet letter-slinging urbanists to build the goodwill that you never had. Then maybe people will get on board with safety tools like Laser Vision, because “snitch to the PPA or else you’re a piece of shit” is going to bring zero people to your side.
UPDATE: I will never stop bringing you bold and unwavering journalism and will stand up in the face of hate no matter who tries to silence me:
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com