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Respect to These Eagles Fans Yelling “Dallas Sucks” at Dallas Resident and Cowboys Fan Scottie Scheffler
By Matt Schultz
Published:
The PGA Championship got underway Thursday morning at Aronimink Golf Club in Newtown Square, and Philadelphians wasted no time in using the platform to spread a very important message to Dallas resident and Cowboys fan Scottie Scheffler: Dallas sucks.
“Dallas sucks, Scottie! We’re gonna smash you on Thanksgiving! Go Birds!”
From the outside looking in, it might seem easy to be an Eagles fan. Since 2017, we’ve seen eight playoff appearances, five division titles, five seasons with 9+ wins, three Super Bowl appearances, and two parades down Broad Street. There’s no question that the Birds have been one of the most elite franchises in the NFL over the last decade. After a run like that, some may think it means the fans get to take it easy now. Sleep in. Rest on our laurels.
But they couldn’t be more wrong…
Despite the Birds’ abundant success over the last ten years, it still takes a tremendous amount of dedication and grit to be an Eagles fan. Sometimes it means that, when a golf major is in town, you have to wake up early as hell, buy a pass for the event, stand around for hours on end watching a sport you may or may not care about, fighting off hunger, thirst, sunburn, boredom, mosquitoes, gnats, discomfort, knee pain, foot pain, back pain, crowds, getting your forearm grazed by other people’s forearms, irritation, sweat, uncertainty about where bathrooms are, bad cell service due to the size of the crowd, allergies, sleepiness, and who knows what else – all in hopes that a professional golfer who lives in Dallas enters your vicinity so you can yell “Dallas sucks” at him.
It’s not for the faint of heart, and I, for one, am proud to see that these Eagles fans have their priorities straight. They know it’s as important as ever to spread the word, whether you’re shouting it from the rooftops or barking it at Scottie Scheffler after he sinks a putt: Dallas sucks.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)