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The Main Event of the Evening is UFC vs. the East Coast Parents of Young Children

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: May 7th, 2025 · 1:45 PM EDT

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The UFC put together a compelling Fight Night card in Des Moines this past Saturday, matching bantamweights Cory Sandhagen and Deiveson Figueiredo in the main event while Penn State wrestling alumnus Bo Nickal got the co-main slot against Dutch grappling wizard Reinier de Ridder. Considering the local angle and Nickal’s undefeated record, I presume a lot of MMA fans in the Philadelphia region had this one circled on their calendars.

Problem being, as always, is that the main card began at 10 p.m., our time. By the time RDR and Nickal made it to the Octagon, it was 12:16 a.m. The Sandhagen/Figgy bout didn’t start until 12:42 a.m. and didn’t end until 1:03 a.m.

At the risk of sounding like a washed old man, staying up for these fights is brutal. I’ve got a 6 year old and a 3 year old who run me ragged on most Saturdays, and by the time they go to bed at 8:30 p.m., I’ve got maybe 2.5 hours left in the tank. Oftentimes I’ll stay up, watch the Phils or Union, then pass out around 11:30 p.m. Don’t laugh because this is going to be you when you turn 40. You’re gonna be scrolling your phone, playing blackjack online casino while your kids run around and tear your house apart.

So it’s 1 a.m., you’re falling asleep on the couch, and when the fights do end, you’re getting about 6 hours of sleep max before the kiddos wake up at 7 a.m. asking for Bluey and snacks and now you have to survive another full weekend day with the scamps.

It’s been this way for a long time now. Boxing cards also start late and end late. A lot of fights take place in Vegas, so you give the PST locals a 7 p.m. main card start time and we get a 10 p.m. This helps sports bars that welcome patrons during their prime hours while also allowing the MLB, NBA, and college football games of Saturday to finish up, so you aren’t going to head-to-head with, say Alabama vs. Georgia at 7 p.m. or here in Philadelphia putting the fights up against a baseball, basketball, or hockey game.

But this past weekend, for instance, was CST local. It was in Iowa and we still had a 10 p.m. EST main card. UFC had an absolutely ridiculous pay per view several months ago when Belal Muhammad fought Leon Edwards in England at 5 in the morning because the event was built around American time slots. It was absolute rubbish, as the Brits say. It seems like the only time we get something in PA or New Jersey or Delaware that starts before 10 p.m. is when they fight in the Middle East or Australia, or there’s a lesser Fight Night card taking place at the UFC Apex in Vegas.

Here’s another good example:

This weekend, at UFC 315 in Montreal, we’ve got an East Coast card starting at 10 p.m. So if we want to see Muhammad defend against Jack Della Maddalena, we’re once again staying up until 1 a.m. and then making on Sunday morning the world’s largest pot of coffee. It doesn’t have to be this way!

That’s why I am begging Dana White or anybody who will listen. Please, for the love of god, consider your East Coast fans with young children. We are cooked by 11 p.m on Saturday night. The batteries are depleted. All you have to do is move up these main card start times to 9 p.m. EST / 6 p.m. Pacific.

Fighting out of the blue corner! It’s the UFC! And fighting out of the red corner! …is a washed Millennial trying desperately to stay awake.

I feel like Sir Smoke-a-lot from Half Baked. “God, if you’re listening, help!”