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This Has to Be the Most Jersey Shore Police Report Ever
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
This is the most down the shore police report ever. We’ve got multiple beach towns, a Wawa, and a guy mistakenly doing a B&E:
Carapellotti Jr. stated that last night was his first night in Stone Harbor. According to Carapellotti Jr., after leaving Shenanigans around 1:30 AM, he went to Wawa in Sea Isle City. Carapellotti Jr. then believed he took an Uber or a taxi back to Stone Harbor. He stated after he got out of the Uber, “Everything after that was a big mistake.” He stated, “I remember knocking on the door and asking if someone would let me in.” Carapellotti Jr. stated he did not remember anything until he woke up. He stated, “When I woke up I immediately realized what a mistake I made.” Carapellotti Jr. advised me he woke in a bed that had green sheets or a green blanket. He stated he believed he was on the first floor. When asked if he knew anyone at 276 81st Street Unit B, he stated, “I do not.” Carapellotti Jr. did not recall going into a vehicle, damaging the vehicle, or opening the garage door at 276 81st Street Unit A. Carapellotti Jr. stated he identified his shoes when they were shown to him at the scene. Carapellotti was advised that a Wawa bag and hoagie were found in the vehicle with his shoes and he asked if the hoagie had been eaten. When advised it was not, he stated, “That was my downfall. I didn’t eat the hoagie.
Oof first night in Stone Harbor. That’s tough. Can’t blow your wad on the first night. I remember during my senior week in Ocean City one of my classmates got so drunk he fell asleep on the curb and was arrested. His parents then made him come home for the rest of the week. Week ruined and memories you’ll have forever dashed. Remember folks, the shore summer is a marathon, not a sprint. If it’s your first night down there don’t get blitzed on elbows and turbos at Dead Dog, but if you do, eat the hoagie. It’s a rookie move to not eat the hoagie. Having the Wawa next to the bars in Sea Isle is literally a get out of jail free card. It was put there so that people could sober up while they waited in line for their sandwich and get something in their stomach before they get an Uber or Jitney home. This kid, though, had no chance. Once he blacked out and was venturing back to Stone Harbor his story was already written.
See, you can get away with running around like an idiot in Sea Isle and Wildwood because those are drinking towns. You’re in the belly of the beast when you step foot in there. Get ready for a weekend where it’s just the Mr. Krabs meme 24/7 until it’s time to check out. Once you bring those shenanigans over the bridge to the quiet, sleepy, towns of Stone Harbor and Avalon you’re playing with fire. If this dude was running around Wildwood there’s a chance he finds a place doing a summer share and they let him crash, call his boys, or direct him home. In Stone Harbor people are in bed by 10 p.m.. Avalon might be even earlier. I’m guessing this kid was staying at his parent’s house. He should honestly just turn it around and blame them for making so much money and deciding to live there.
The good news is there are like 25 similar reports every summer. We’ll have another more hilarious one by the 4th of July. You’ve never been down the shore if you don’t have a friend that has done something like this kid. I’ve got buddies that have walked into the wrong house and slept on people’s couches, buddies that have slept in people’s hot tubs after a full day of 302’s, buddies who have slept on the ground of a Sea Isle house that was under construction. Zero frame work, no upholstery, literally just lying their head on plywood and calling it a night. That’s just what happens down the shore after a night at Shenanigans, the OD, and Keenan’s. There’s something about the Jersey Shore vortex that just pulls you in and turns you into an animal. Maybe it’s No Shower Happy Hour or maybe it’s the vibes. The shore doesn’t discriminate. Every person of every color, religion, and creed can be grabbed by the vortex. The Sea Isle PD probably pays for their Christmas party off the backs of the public urination citations they give out every summer.
Also… La Salle:
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com