Ad Disclosure
We Still Have 10 More Games of This Godawful Eagles Nonsense?
Published:
It was a long, long Eagles season, but thank GOODNESS it’s finally over. We should have known it would end this way after the injury to Jalen Hurts, large chunks of missed time for Saquon Barkley, DeVonta Smith, Landon Dickerson, Dontayvion Wicks, Nolan Smith Jr., Tank Bigsby, Jonathan Greenard, and probably about 10 other key roster contributors that I’m forgetting off the top of my head. We were buried early and never recovered.
Cam Jurgens? Traded. Lane Johnson? Retired. Cooper DeJean? Cowboys cheerleader girlfriend.
Just an awful experience through and through. But, it’s finally over and done with. Sure, no playoffs this year, but at least we can regroup as a fanbase and start to focus on the offseason, the draft, and free agency opening up in March. Howie Roseman will get us right, we’ll be back at the top of the division in no time. Couple trades, couple key free agent signings, nail the draft….we’ll be so back.
Hmmm? Pardon me? What do you mean the season’s not over? What do you mean it’s not even Halloween yet? What…what do you mean….the Eagles still have 10 games left?
No….no….dear god….no it’s not possible. It’s over, everything is over, we’re finished, it’s over. I swear it’s over. That was the final game, the end of a hellish season that’s been basically over since week four. What do you mean it’s only October?! THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE!
Is anyone else dizzy? I…I gotta sit down. I feel like I can’t stand. Is that okay, Tony? That I sit?
CRIPES. After watching the Eagles struggle to score more than 20 points against the worst defense in the league and completely give up on their own defensive side of the football, I’m declaring the season over. No more. We’re done here, thanks for coming out. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay at Lincoln Financial Field.
It’s a lost season, gang, nothing left to do but just countdown the days until it’s officially over. And my god are there so many days left in this NFL season.
There are no moral victories in this league when you’re 2-5 (with Super Bowl aspirations prior to the season), no matter what some in the local media may say. We’re not the Jets, we’re not the Titans, we’re not going to celebrate a below average offensive performance just because we desperately need to cling to anything semi-positive to convince ourselves that this season hasn’t already been flushed down the toilet.
A perfect storm of injuries and weirdness capsized this Birds season earlier than the gales of November brought down the Edmund Fitzgerald.
I cannot believe we have to sit through 10 more games of this inept nonsense, plus two games on major holidays! I’m not ruining my family’s Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve by watching this dreck. Jordan Davis and Jalen Carter have already pulled a disappearing trick on this city, so why shouldn’t I? The only difference is I haven’t been paid millions of dollars to do so. I’m going out to buy cigarettes and I’ll be missing until February.
The Eagles currently have a 9% chance to make the playoffs, fifth worst in the league, according to Playoffstatus.com. I currently have a 9% chance of actually watching the rest of the games this year. I’d say both are fairly accurate.
Hey, who knows… maybe they’ll turn this all around? Maybe the team will magically get healthy and Tanner McKee will be able to throw the ball downfield and not five yards behind every open receiver? Maybe the line will gel and actually give whoever plays quarterback more than 0.1 seconds to throw the ball against a competent defense? Maybe the defensive line will actually give a shit moving forward and be bothered to get down in their stances before the ball is hiked? Maybe Jalen’s blood will thin faster than expected and he’ll be able to return sooner than thought….and fans will realize that not every backup quarterback is better than the starter we currently have.
Maybe! And then again, maybe the next 11 weeks will be just as miserable as the last seven.
I have no merits or accomplishments worth noting. Founder of Philadelphia's most trusted sports blog, The Coggin Toboggan. Everything I have ever written up until this very moment has been utter garbage.