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“I Didn’t Get Hit in the Balls,” Says Christian Pulisic
Published:
U.S. press conference ahead of Saturday’s game with The Netherlands:
Christian Pulisic answers the question many people want to know: “I didn’t get hit in the balls.” #USMNT
— Doug McIntyre (@ByDougMcIntyre) December 1, 2022
I’m not sure I believe him. It sure looked like he got blasted in the nuts. I won’t accuse Christian of being a liar, but this disappointing answer changes the course of history. No longer can we say that he sacrificed his privates for the good of the country, to defeat the authoritarian Iranian regime.
For what it’s worth, the injury was categorized as a “pelvic contusion,” which sounds like fake news to me. At the very least, the pelvis is adjacent to the crotch region, so I think we can probably adjust the story to say something like “he put his balls on the line,” or “he was willing to sacrifice his nuts,” even if he claims he didn’t get hit there specifically.
Regardless, Pulisic is an American hero.
Which brings us to the Dutch –
What are we supposed to hate about the Dutch? Windmills? Beautiful waterways? Good engineering? I just can’t bring myself to shit on these guys. Good luck to The Netherlands. Hopefully both teams have fun and no one gets injured. And fuck the stroopwafel.
Kevin has been writing about Philadelphia sports since 2009. He spent seven years in the CBS 3 sports department and started with the Union during the team's 2010 inaugural season. He went to the academic powerhouses of Boyertown High School and West Virginia University. email - k.kinkead@sportradar.com