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Great, Just What Philadelphia Needed: Millionaire SEPTA Workers

By Kyle Scott

Published: Apr 26th, 2012 · 5:10 PM EDT

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This has nothing to do with sports, but hell, I couldn’t resist.

According to every local outlet, 48 SEPTA workers have won the $173 million Powerball. [6 ABC]

Action News has learned 48 SEPTA workers are winners of Wednesday night's multi-million dollar Powerball.

"We're excited to have sold this jackpot-winning Powerball ticket in Pennsylvania, and this will be the second Powerball jackpot we get to award in just five months," Pennsylvania Lottery Executive Director Todd Rucci said. "Today also marks the 23rd anniversary of the April 26, 1989, Super 7 drawing that awarded $115.5 million to 14 winning tickets and still holds the record as the largest jackpot awarded by the Lottery." 

SEPTA spokesman Richard Maloney confirmed the details to Action News.

 

Great, that's just what the city needed: a bunch of millionaire bus drivers and train conductors. That should really motivate them to be courteous and on-time.

Excuse me, sir, but this train was supposed to be in at 12:15… it’s 3:48. Do you have an ETA?

Pipe down! We’ll getcha there when we FUCKING GET THERE! 

I’m sure the division of $173 million – amongst 48 SEPTA workers – will go just swimmingly, too. Shit's gonna get real ironic when they have to go on last-minute strikes and picket… against themselves. Like dogs chasing their owns tails, they'll just keep circling each other until they eventually fall over or COME TO A SCREECHING HALT FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON (!!!).

Thanks, I’m here all week. Readers have jokes too: 

 

Yours in the comments.