Eagles

Nate Allen’s Ordeal Sounds Pretty Horrific

By Kyle Scott

Published: Feb 17th, 2015 · 1:10 PM EST

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Poor Nate is gonna have the worst SEO terms attached to his name– even worse than “torched,” “beat” and “touchdown.”

Les Bowen reporting:

Allen said as he began his drive home, he called a friend and former high school football teammate. They chatted for quite a while, and when the police cruiser pulled Allen over, he said he figured he was being flagged for talking on his phone, or maybe for not wearing his seatbelt.

Allen said the officer asked if he had ever been arrested. “I said, ‘What? No.’ Then he said, ‘are you sure?’ And then he said something about a girl saying I’d made a pass at her. I said ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ ”

Allen said eventually, a woman sitting in the back of another police cruiser ID’d him and he was taken into custody, still without knowing what he was alleged to have done.

“I had no idea,” he said. “I sat in a holding cell for 4 1/2 hours. I seriously thought I was being punked, at first.”

He wasn’t. He was being accused of “masturbating while making faces” (as if there’s any other way) at the woman or women from inside his truck.

So now the next question: Was the whole thing made up by the accuser(s) or is there a serial, Red Lobster-scoutin’, masturbatin’ man on the loose. This is Florida… so I’m gonna go with the latter.