We are just hours away from the start of the 2011 Phillies season, a year in which the team will have the Four Aces taking the mound for the next seven months. That's a long time. Baseball serves as the background (or soundtrack) to our lives. Whether it's week nights with the screen door open or summer evenings at the shore, you can count on the Phillies game being on your (and my) television. That has happened for years.
There are many variables. The players change, the channels change, the opponents change. But one thing – one person – remains a constant: Chris Wheeler.
Oh yes, we're about to step shit up. We have elevated our Muffin coverage. Ladies and gentlemen, the Chris Wheeler drinking game. We're standardizing a set of rules for all to abide by.
From time to time during the season, we will live blog games for the sole purpose of keeping score. But you can play anytime. Print out these rules. Post them in your dorm room, on your fridge, or, hell, if you have a drinking problem, at your desk. Put them in your pocket, save them to your phone, bring them to the beach. Whatever you please.
Just stay thirsty, my friends.
This game is meant to be played with beer or mixed drinks. If you want to play with shots, vixen, that's on you. Every time Chris Wheeler mentions one of these phrases, you must drink the amount listed.
Where "context" is noted, Wheels may not say the exact phrase, but you'll know when to drink. There are two wildcards from T-Mac and Sarge for you to look-out for. You are expected to take a break during the middle innings when Wheels goes to radio. But if you're hardcore, change over and keep playing. No italics denotes a situation.
Here we go.
middle-in– drink one (1)
away away away– drink three (3)
ambush– one, quick swig
lift and separate– pour it in from elevated plane
that's really neat– drink three (3)
WILDCARD T-Mac: he's a guy the Phillies saw a lot of– finish it
we saw a lot of him– drink a lot
oh boy or oh brother– drink two (2)
buzzard's luck– drink three (3)
herky jerky motion– drink four (4)
this is fun– drink one (1)
the book on him– drink six (6)
he's smilin', he's laughin' (context- in reference to a player, coach, or umpire laughing about something that happened on the field)– drink four (4)
first-ball fastball– drink one (1)
oh I don't know!– ???
good lookin' young hitter (context)– chug
no-doubles defense– drink two (2) only if they get a hit
goofy– drink one (1) from the side
WILDCARD Sarge: anytime he addresses a player with their last name (usually in post game interviews)- finish it
Crooked number– drink three (3)
saw a player or coach at the hotel (context)- throw the bottle at the wall
WILDCARD Harry mention: anytime one of the announcers mentions Harry– raise your drink high in toast, followed by one, long swig, cap it off with an "ahh"
I was in Charlie Manuel's office (context)– drink eight (8)
would you look at that– drink one (1)
Jason Heyward– drink four (4)
loosey goosey– drink three (3) or nine (9), your choice, you loosey goosey bastard
wind– drink three (3)
ah jeez– drink one (1)
they like him a lot– drink five (5)