Morning Wood: Pissing Excellence

lee_pissing_excellenceI swear I heard the sound of horseshoes clapping against pavement as Cliff Lee galloped off the mound last night after completing eight shutout innings, striking out eight, walking none, and throwing 78 of his 106 pitches for strikes in a 2-0 Phillies win. Our steed was so proud, so gallant, so… whatever. He had just pissed two hours of excellence onto a rain-soaked mound in cold Hotlanta.

Look at his pitch charts– only an equine with the largest hooves in the village could produce these sorts of devastating, and consistent, results:

lee_chart_up

lee_chart charts via BrooksBaseball.net

Two-seamers between 90 and 92, fading 10 inches. 

Cutters, slicing off the barrels of bats.

Curve balls, falling off the table and into the next room at a cool 76. 

And changeups, decepting their way into the zone like little ninjas searching for a safe haven beneath the rainbow of excellence cascading over their heads.

After the game, Lee was so cool. His only concern… trying to get his headset to work for an interview with Scott Franzke and Larry Andersen. His mic check phrase of choice? Testes! Testes! Behold, our hero pony with an AV problem:

lee_meme

Video of Lee’s excellence.

Scott Barry goofed on a call at first. Erik Kratz was tagged out by Kevin’s brother Buzz Freddie Freeman, but Barry missed the call. The umpires later got it right. The whole incident, however, reminded of the time Ryan Howard nearly killed Scott Barry… and when LA went off on the young and horrible umpire.

A farewell to Daily News LiveOn Monday, CSN will debut Philly Sports Talk… which is basically the same show jammed into the NBC-Comcast-mega-conglomerate.

Hey the Flyers won again.

Your 2013 Citizens Bank Park Beer List courtesy of Lee Porter.

Kevin Ware does the Top 10 on Letterman.

Grab home opener tickets for under $50.

 

13 Comments

  1. Kyle, there are not opening day tickets for under $50. Cheapest is $51 with a $17 service charge and a $14.95 shipping and handling charge, why are you in business with that scummy company? Way to rip people off asshole

    • Kyle Scott

      April 5, 2013 at 10:44 am

      1) When I posted it there were, in fact, $50 tickets (including the fees!). The market changes.
      2) Those scummy companies are StubHub, eBay and Tickets Now, only the largest places on earth for secondary market tickets. If you’d like, I can hook you up with Sal from the corner of Shunk Street. I’m sure he’ll take care of you.
      3) Next time, go to those sites are your own, click 10 different links, and find the same prices. Choice is yours, holmes.

  2. YO YO YO DAWG LEE pitched a tight game last night. Def world series contenders.

    Another round of is it gay. Is it gay if it is dark and you put your D unbenounced to you in a nice wet anal hole. You don’t know its a dudes hole until the lights are turned on, but you already blew your load. The dude taking it is the gay one and you didn’t know… so it’s not gay right?

  3. ThePhillyFlash

    April 5, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Yo, Kyle! What took you so long? I figured you would’ve gushed here about your favorite steed the moment Clifton left the mound last night. Your usually riidculous, over the top man-crush prose about Mr. Lee had been anticipated, and you didn’t disappoint. Congrats!

    • Cliff Lee's Mom

      April 5, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      Ouch! Poor Kyle. Getting criticized by the guy who doesn’t understand why Matt Stairs would be relevant to Phillies fans must really sting.

  4. Pretty Pony friday Mofo’s!!!

  5. Scott Barry should die in a fire.
    Never Forget.

  6. I heard Lee has a big dick

  7. Cliff Lee turned me into a brony. Congrats Clifton

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