Marcus Hayes Continued to Make a Jackass of Himself This Afternoon

I’m sorry. I just can’t get over how this guy has a column with a major(-ish) newspaper.

Marcus Hayes awoke from his 12-hour Twitter slumber today and began responding to some blowback from his strange hollering into the August air.

NBC’s Hardball Talk picked up a portion of that story, noting that Hayes is the first mainstream writer to accuse Ken Griffey Jr. of using steroids (and maybe he did, maybe he didn’t– the point is Marcus has absolutely no evidence besides Griffey’s – gasp! – declining numbers when he got older). Hayes was then a guest on 950 KJR in Seattle today and, apparently, was completely blindsided by the host. Some real Sandra Bullock shit:

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Guess that didn’t go well.

But yeah, the host just apologized to his listeners for Marcus Hayes’ existence. And yes, I am trying to get that audio.

In addition, Hayes is not backing down from his strange argument that Gold Gloves and batting average are the best metrics by which to judge players. Here’s his extraordinarily flawed logic on why the Gold Glove – an award chosen by managers and coaches and one that was once once given to Bobby Abreu – is so much better than SABR stats:

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No. I can assure you, Marcus, that the panel of “””””experts””””” who came up with the UZR metric to measure defensive efficiency are not the interns who cobble together the SportsCenter Top 10 highlights. Do you realize how silly you sound?

Now, I’m as skeptical of advanced defensive metrics as the next guy. But. But someone should tell Marcus that a panel of “experts” (which, in that context, is actually just a community of smart people with calculators who came up with a standardized system of measurement) also decides the coveted, and sponsored(!), Rawlings Gold Glove Award. Marcus didn’t have a comeback for that one:

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You can side with the progressive (SABR) viewpoint or the old guy yelling at nerds viewpoint– it doesn’t matter. The point is that a longtime and somewhat well-known (gah) sports columnist not only recklessly accused Ken Griffey Jr. of taking steroids, and not only said it was a “white and black” issue why people like Chase Utley more than Jimmy Rolllins, but he can also be argued into a corner and tricked into danger by the most basic, you-should-be-able-to-see-that-coming logic in the world. It’s like playing chess with Roomba– His movements may be unpredictable, but he has no idea where he’s going next! Look out, dog!

Meanwhile, responding to charges that he irrationally dislikes Utley because Utley is white, Hayes, who is both white and black (his words), offered the following in a Twitter conversation… just as soon as he figured out how to work that damn thing:

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I can read. These were Hayes’ words in a chat on October 26, 2010:

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Did I read that right?


  1. Tell Marcus to shut his piehole…dooooosh.


  3. This dude is gonna get his white/black ass fired if he doesn’t get his emotions under wraps. Wise up and stay off Twitter asshole… The whole world can see how much of an idiot you are.

  4. What’s with this moron’s twitter handle. @inkstainedretch?
    I don’t think there’s a character limit on names, so doesn’t he know (w)retch is spelled with a “w”?
    Or does he mean “retch” as in puke, which is what he makes me feel like doing?

  5. Poverty of Truth

    August 22, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    I don’t know… I think Hayes might have a point.

  6. Marcus Get Help Or Just Kill Yourself

    August 22, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    So biracial (or black) people can’t be racist? Where have I heard that before… oh yeah, from every black racist that has EVER FUCKING LIVED.

    I think Marcus is a potential suicide case. For real. Almost everything he does to embarrass himself in public seems like a huge cry for help. No one cares if you’re gay bro. It’s 2013. Also no one cares if you’re biracial, but I’m sure you blame all of your personal failings on others being racist (white people, I mean. Black people can’t be racist).

    • He’s marrried to a chick, assclown. It’s 2013, like you said: labeling dudes gay as an insult makes you a douchebag waste of sperm and egg that needs to eat a .45.

  7. Is that the Tom Mershen that comments on flyers articles on cb? Lol

  8. Chance- VP of the GnA Falcons

    August 22, 2013 at 5:34 pm

    I’d love to sucker Marcus in the back of the head. Chaingang style

  9. White, black, or somewhere inbetween, the one thing that can’t be argued is that Hayes is a flaming moron and a supreme douchebag who embarrasses Philadelphia each and every time he opens his mouth or sits down at a keyboard. Somebody needs to take Hayes’ Twitter account away from him for his own good because he exposes himself as an irrational, thin-skinned idiot who can’t handle criticism and lets his racial biases get the best of him. Bottom line, Hayes needs to go, and go soon.

  10. Marcus Hayes having a job as a sports writer for a large publication is the equivalent of an awesome and extremely hot chick dating a total fucking dooshbag. Every single time you try to process the information and justify it, you just become enraged and cannot figure out how it is humanly possible.

  11. He was the same with me and Jeltz.

  12. Here’s the link to the KJR interview today.

  13. Hayes and Randy Miller might be the two worst writers in the history of ever, but at least Miller is just dumb.

    Hayes is trying to make everything a race issue, claiming Philly is racist while completely disregarding the fact that MANY of the most popular athletes in Philly history are black.

    AI, Dawk, TO (pre contract drama) Reggie, Seth, Dr J… the list goes on.

    Racists are the worst.

    • You realize that rationale is the equivalent to saying… “I’m not racist. I have lots of black friends.” Most white guys didn’t like AI either. Troll.

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