Is Joshua Harris the Worst Public Speaker on Earth?

One rule to live by: never give a billionaire the mic.

I have no idea what’s wrong with Joshua Harris. I’ve been telling you what an awful public speaker he is. He sounds like what it would sound like if you threw a dozen cats into a bag and listened to them screech as they clawed each other to a painful death, then you took out the remaining cat, grinded his nails off on a chalkboard, and then bought seven distressed companies to increase your net worth to $2.5 billion.
EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeèeeeeeeeeeëeeeeeeeeeyyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaahhhhhhhhheeeeeeeyyyyyyyynahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyI’M RICH!

I just love the misplaced inflections on in this house! and The Answer! (bass boat). Even Dan Baker is thinking, “Christ, settle down, man! Go easy on the peaks and valleys. You’re making the fans NaUSeOus.”

Bonus at the 1:19 mark when they turn the spotlight off on Harris, who was wearing some sort of weird, rich guy cargo pants. Didn’t matter, though, because he had already gotten, however awkwardly, to the big announcement of the night: the Sixers’ retirement gift to AI– A FREE FREAKING BOAT. A BASS BOAT!

Voila_Capture 2014-03-01_10-29-39_PM

Photo: NBA

I have no idea what the value of that thing is, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t meet the minimum on most blackjack tables Iverson plays. He grossed $200 million during his career and Harris could buy his home state of Virginia. Couldn’t we have done better than a 12-foot dingy that costs less than a base model Accord? I mean, a boat’s a boat, but Iverson should’ve taken the mystery box. It could’ve been anything– even a boat!

11 Comments

  1. Ya I agree. I wasn’t impressed with his speech. The boat was cool though. They should’ve let Pat Croce speak. Harris wasn’t around during A.I.’s career.

  2. I agree that pat should have spoken at some point. Joshua Harris had nothing to do with Allen’s career.
    Would sixers think of hiring Allen as some sort of Bernie parent contract? Sixers ambassador?

  3. I bet the Answer took that boat to the closest pawn shop he could find

  4. Sam Hinkie would have made Josua Harris’ speech sound like The Gettysburg Address.

  5. AI also got hired in some ceremonial position as a consultant that will probably pay him
    100K a year. They gave World B. Free a door greeter job at the Wells Fargo. The Sixers take care of their own.

  6. Pretty sure the quality of that Family Guy clip just gave me a brain aneurysm.

  7. Angelo's Inner Voice

    March 2, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    I haven’t heard him, but there’s no way he could be worse than Chollie Manuel.

    .

  8. what the fuck

    March 2, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    Ur an idiot he was on pecocets and drunk u try doing better

  9. Any chance him and Tawanna take that to the ramp and load up tackle?

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