We can't really come up with snarky content to pad satire, so here's an excerpt: [The Onion]
Luckily, my family always encouraged me growing up. I had a pretty typical upbringing: My dad worked for a food distribution company, my middle-school trainer was baseball legend Bus Campbell, and scouts from the majors started coming to see me throw baseballs when I was 14. So from an early age, I was instilled with the values of hard work, throwing a baseball, and throwing a baseball as well as possible.
Some say that the best way to get ahead is to go to college first, and it's true, college can be a great place to learn all about throwing a baseball really hard. Not a lot of people will tell you this, but the truth is, if you can throw the baseball well enough, most employers won't even care if you have a college degree. I didn't go to college, but I still make an eight-figure salary and live in a very large house. So whichever path life takes you down, just be able to throw a baseball really well and you'll do fine.
Well played, The Onion, you got the attention of the Philly sports blogs on a day when nothing else is going on.
They should write a Mets column during October for NY bloggers.