Lenny Dykstra Writes Epic Letter in NY Post, Invokes Charlie Sheen, Accuses FBI of Torture

As always, Lenny Dykstra public appeals are best viewed while listening to Fall Out Boy’s Sugar, We’re Going Down.

Oh yeah, it's good.

This is just the latest entry in the newly formed “Dykstra Zone.” Are you really surprised that Lenny wrote a letter to the people accusing the feds of stealing from and torturing him? No, no you are not.

It seems Nails took a page – quite literally – out of his buddy Charlie Sheen’s playbook for public redemption, declaring to all that he was going to “win” and fight the feds on all the false charges brought against him. Of course, the major difference between Dude and Sheen was that Sheen had actually been doing something constructive before diving off the deep end. Lenny, on the other hand, ran his magazine into the ground, assaulted a couple of housekeepers, stole from a hooker, and duped Jim Cramer on his road to bankruptcy. Those things don’t paint a particularly positive portrait, yo.

Here are some highlights from his letter. Heck, it was only a Ford Flex!

[NY Post]

I address the people of the great City of New York:

You need to buckle your seat belts, because what you are about to read could not be made up. What I have somehow lived through the past 2½ years, and continue to live through now, makes me fully understand that God would never make someone endure what I have endured unless there was a reason for it.

That being said, I was wrong when I thought God put me on this earth to entertain people at Shea Stadium. (Remember? I was pretty good at that.) However, I have come to realize that God put me on this earth to help people, to be a factor. And that, my friends, is what I intend to do — because at the end of the day, it's all about results. The kind of results I will bring to the party will be unlike any seen before. Talk is cheap; I am about walking the talk.


To begin with, I had $100 million in assets when I filed my Chapter 11. It is also important for you to know that I did not get stupid overnight. I didn't make bad investments; every company that I have ever created or owned was and still is a winning company. And I sure as hell was not going to get on my knees, put my hands behind my head, and let this corrupt group of people masquerading as attorneys execute me — as that is what bankruptcy is all about. Just because they do this to everyone else does not mean I was going to let them do it to me. The corrupt world of bankruptcy is best described as "the death chamber."

The so-called "grand theft auto" was never even brought; the case was dismissed. The theft was committed by them, as they stole a car I was leasing from Ford. Heck, it was only a Ford Flex.


Over the last two years, they have basically stolen everything from me — my family, my kids, my homes, my cars, my businesses, my reputation, my money, my life. But what they can never steal is my HEART and my FIGHT — and at the end of the day, I will win and I will win big!


How is he going to do that exactly?

You can read the full letter here.


5 Responses

  1. How’s that old saying go? Better to keep quiet and be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Well, Lenny definitely removed said doubt a LONG time ago!

  2. “…I did not get stupid overnight.” That’s right, Lenny. You don’t just roll out of bed and become stupid as fuck, it takes decades to cultivate this type of moronic, delusional foundation you have so succesfully set as a base for yourself. You have got us all duped and your future is very bright.

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