Wanted: Seven-Foot Tall Moose (Here’s The Actual Sixers Mascot Job Posting)

Do you want to be the next Sixers mascot? Sure ya do!

Hide your eyes, kids, we’re about to flip your world upside-down.

Thanks to reader Erik for passing along a link to his site, which found a job posting on WorkInSports.com for the new Philadelphia 76ers mascot (!!!).

One of the most storied franchises in NBA history, is currently seeking a highly motivated, energetic and talented individual to become the new mascot for the team. The ideal candidate would have experience performing as a mascot; possess excellent non-verbal communication skills, athletically and physically fit, and have a creative and humorous personality. 

Yeah, but are you qualified? The next Sixers mascot will need a high school diploma or GED, minimum two years of mascoting (verb?) experience, be “good with spontaneous crowd-interaction,” punctual, have the ability to dance and be good at dealing with people (Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?).

I see you nodding your head, but are you ready to perform at all 41 home game (plus playoffs!), make 200-300 appearances a year, maintain your own costume and wardrobe (which could be a giant fucking moose), generate sales for mascot merchandise, attend weekly practice sessions and perform other duties? 

Yes? Well, here’s more: 

The physical demands and work environment characteristics described here are representative of those that must be met by an employee to successfully perform the essential functions of this job. Reasonable accommodations may be made to enable individuals with disabilities to perform the essential functions.  

While performing duties of job, the employee will be constantly in costume. Move about the arena and during events to interact and entertain clients/fans. Work in excessive heat or cold under stressful conditions 

The duties of this position are performed indoors and outdoors. The noise level in the work environment is usually moderate to loud to during events and minimal during non-events. 

Audition Dates 

Invitation Only! Individual must be available to participate in audition to be held tentatively on Dec 19th or 20th date in Philadelphia so please hold those dates now! Applicable travel expenses will be reimbursed for the auditions. The final candidates will be required to submit to a background check through an independent resource. 

And here I thought B. Franklin Dogg was supposed to be some 300-year-old pup who roamed the streets of Philadelphia with a basketball like forlorn Bruce Springsteen. I make a sad.