Cole Hamels’ Crazy Day (in Pictures!)

Screen Shot 2012-05-08 at 10.05.28 AMDiane Sawyer, looking concerned yet empathetic

King Cole had a strange 24 hours.

On Sunday night, as you may have heard, he threw a baseball into a douchebag. 

Yesterday, the narrative surrounding the old-timey move was discussed at length: Nationals GM Mike Rizzo called it “gutless chicken shit.” Curt Schilling, Morgan Ensberg, and Aaron Bleeping Boone all took issue with it. And Ruben Amaro somewhat defended it

All the while, Hamels was at Saint Ephrem Elementary School, unfazed, and presumably depositing 94 mph fastballs into the backs of children. His speech, prepared on an iPad.

Screen Shot 2012-05-08 at 10.01.15 AMPhotos via reader Robert and the school's Facbeook page

When Hamels arrived at the ballpark, he met with Amaro and pitching coach Rich Dubee, who were both present when the call came from Major League Baseball informing him of his five-game suspension. An anonymous reader was there and sent us some pictures:

Screen Shot 2012-05-08 at 10.04.04 AM

There’s meme potential here, folks…

Here’s the thing, though: Besides winning the World Series, this is probably the greatest PR move Hamels’ career has seen, and the $400,000 fine might prove to be money well-spent. 

Screen Shot 2012-05-08 at 10.27.07 AM

Pic via reader Dan

Despite being an outstanding pitcher, Cole has never quite won over Philly fans the way Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee and Chase Utley have. Maybe it’s because, during Hamels’ first few seasons, he was quick to make excuses. Maybe it’s because he’s from California. Maybe it’s because of his hair and voice. Who knows? But Hamels' admittance to hitting Harper – already one of the most despised athletes in all the land – finally gave him that fuck you moment, which we Philly folks love so very much.

And the conspiracy theories are rolling in.

Hamels is going to be a free agent at the end of the season, and there’s no denying that this will raise his profile, which is especially important for markets like, say, Los Angeles

Spike Eskin, of, thinks that had something to do with it:

Being a great pitcher is the most important, but being a star is pretty important too. Especially when your potential suitors are in Los Angeles. For Cole Hamels to get the largest contract in the history of starting pitchers in Major League Baseball, it helps to make headlines. To think that Hamels isn’t aware of that, is to underrate his intelligence or awareness. $175 million is a lot of money, and Hamels would be smart to make sure his reputation lives up to his skill level if that’s the kind of contract he wants.


I don’t agree that Cole’s motivation was a larger contract. Those who know him say he is much more competitive than he looks, and hitting the in-your-face Harper is certainly a way to show that. But there’s no arguing the outcome: None of this hurts Cole, in having leverage with the Phillies or in making him more desirable for other teams. 

Of course, there are other theories, too.

Reader Tom has this one, which I think is ridiculous. But fun. We like to have fun here.

We all know now that Hamels intentionally plunked Harper on purpose, but do you think Nationals GM had something to do with it? Think about it this past offseason Rizzo was trying to prevent Phillies' fans from going to Nationals Park because so many of them almost made it like CBP South. I feel as though he tried to try and flame a little rivalry before this thing even started. So here's how it goes:

Rizzo: Cole I will pay you (amount of money outside of Philly) to peg Harper and to say you did it on purpose.

Cole: Yeah I'll do it.

The reason it makes so much sense is because the Nationals have struggled to gain in their market and have struggled to get a consistent crowd to their games. By pegging Harper and having Hamels brag about it to the media, it draws national media attention. Call me a conspiracy theorist but the way this whole thing went down seems kind of fishy.


Yeah, no. That didn’t happen. But I’ll gladly picture, if just for a moment, a hooded Hamels walking into a D.C. parking garage and receiving an unmarked envelope filled with $100 bills from the Nats’ Billy Joel look-alike GM.

The end result in all this? Hamels is more popular today than he was on Sunday. Plus, memes like this, sent by reader Nick:



20 Responses

  1. I love that meme. Hands down greatest one I’ve seen. And I’m in the midst of finals week, book buy backs at the University store (which never fails to screw us over) and a month out of the biggest party weekend on campus, where cops were doing rounds on horses, helicopters were circling doing surveillance, and the USMC was here. So basically, there’ve been some good Memes circulating on my Facebook. Also, I think the media has more things to worry about than Cole nailing some 19 year old, like the economy and things that actually matter. Whatever-his-name-is is a big boy in the big leagues. He can toughen up.

  2. hamels is def the man. Dude brought us a world series (well at least helped alot, MVP) and hits dbags on other teams just cause there dbags and ontop of that hes consistently good each year

  3. Giroux and Hamels should hang out together over the next 5 days, drinking $200 bottles of liquor, partying in penthouse suites and slaying vag left and right. Philly’s newest bromance!

  4. This country has become a bunch of cunts, makes me sick. This generation is nothing but a bunch of little girls, toughen up.

  5. @ BEER NUTZ …… just because of conversations the other day. And the crazy-hype for Harper not comparing to ANY Phillies rookie. Today Yahoo had a headline about the O’s and Nats hot starts: “The Baltimore Orioles began the week with the best record in the majors, with Bryce Harper and the Washington Nationals…”
    he’s played in 8 games, has 8 hits, and the team is 4-4 since his arrival ……but to the National Media it’s “Bryce Harper and the Washington Nationals” ……It’s not his fault that he’s hyped so much, but because of that, people will surely make more noise about all of the d-bag stuff he does like wear War-paint for eye black, and his ridiculous hair cut ….. he’s Nuke LaLoosh from Bull Durham, and nobody has shown him the ropes yet

  6. I love the outrage and dissatisfaction in the media and by former players. If I remember correctly, Schilling threatened to throw at J.D. Drew after that whole fiasco in the late 90s, and now he’s shaking his head in disapproval, bullshit. Grow a pair, shut the fuck up and play the game. I understand that Harper has been a hard nosed player for the last what…week? But him blowing a kiss to a pitcher after going yard in the minors was uncalled for and shows that he’s by no means a saint. Drill’em again. Btw, best meme on the planet.

  7. I have yet to see one joke about this not being the first time Hamels nailed a 19 year old guy in the back… That saddens me.
    I have a new-found respect for Princess Cole. Between this, and his consistantly proving he may actually be over the head fucks that screwed him a few years ago, I very quickly am going from ‘Nice knowing you’ to really hoping he hangs around.
    But lets face it… he’s still a hog-huffer. His super-model wife is an awesome cover-up. And there’s nothing wrong with it as long as he keeps throwing the ball how he is.

  8. Maybe it’s because people int his town are morons. Cole has done more for this city then Doc and Lee combined. Guy doesn’t get enough respect.

  9. @Bill ^, I agree wholeheartedly Cole deserves more respect then he gets in this city, he’s a world series MVP for god sakes….I’d say Brad Lidge deserved more respect to, but then he rode the DL for 2 years, went to the Nats and then the whole ‘best team I’ve ever played on’ thing happened so fuck that guy

  10. And all he did was throw a fastball into his back. It’s not like he aimed at his head during every at-bat.
    Sports have gotten so ridiculously soft.

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