We are no longer surprised by any stories coming out of the Dykstra Zone, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be weirded out.
Lenny Dykstra, apparently, is in a jail cell next to Dr. Conrad Murray, the guy who probably didn’t kill Michael Jackson but we’re all going to blame him for it anyway. That guy. Dykstra is holed up next to him in the celebrity wing of the L.A. County Jail (that’s a T-Macism right there– has to be a better word than celebrity for the likes of Murray and Dykstra, no?).
So, what does one do when holed up next to THE GUY WHO KILLED THE KING OF POP (!!!)? Well, stick your penis through a sheet, naturally.
We're told Dykstra sometimes puts a sheet over his head — for fun — pokes a hole around the waste area and sticks his "baseball bat" through the hole … for the amusement of anyone who dares to look.
James Debarge's lawyer, Spencer Vodnoy (whose client is in a nearby cell), tells TMZ … Murray and DeBarge are now best buds, and they make fun of Dykstra and his perverted past-time pleasures.
Gh… gh… gh GHOOOOOOST. On a stick.
We will cross our fingers that, unlike what he did with his housemaids, from whom he may or may not have forced blow jobs, that Dykstra is just dick-dangling for dick-dangling’s sake, and not trying to get… well… eh, you get it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch my 1993 World Series video and punch myself in the crotch as hard as I possibly can. Perhaps through a sheet.
Cry. I'm going to cry, too.