James van Riemsdyk’s Manhood Has Gone Missing in Toronto

Kyle Scott - March 27, 2013

image from mobilwi.typepad.com
Yeah, they just went right up there and will drop down again at random times. Not much I can do about it. We have to just keep working hard and speaking in clichés and maybe one day I'll be a consistent hockey player.

Well here’s something that shouldn’t surprise you. 

James van Riemsdyk, who at times with the Flyers suffered from testicular ascension, is in some hot water with Leafs coach Randy Carlyle, this despite JVR being among the league leaders in goals.

He hasn’t scored in seven games and was benched for the final eight minutes of a 3-2 loss to the Bruins on Monday. Carlyle wants JVR to locate his balls. And soon: [National Post]

“Keep his feet moving, get involved and get into that dirty area and win more one-on-one battles,” said the head coach. “Those are the issues. When you’re not having that offensive production and you’re not creating those chances, the easiest way is to get physical and get into the dirty area.

“He’s been a good player for us. He’s got 14 goals, so it’s not like we’re jumping on the guy. We’re just asking. There’s been a dry spell and people have to make adjustments. Obviously he’s had to play up against higher-level players now when you have that success. Power play is an area that is easily correctable.”

 

Annnnd it was only a matter of time. 

JVR is at his best when he uses his body to make his way to the front of the net and to muscle off defenders in the corner. When he’s not doing those things… he’s Chris Gratton with a mole. And not that Luke Schenn is very good, but these are the sorts of stories I don’t miss about JVR, for better or worse.

23 Comments

  • Joe March 27, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    did you mean chris gratton? not gatton?

    Reply
  • Kyle Scott March 27, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    i did and it’s already fixed

    Reply
  • Ze Bob March 27, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Meanwhile, Luke Schenn still doesn’t know how to play defense

    Reply
  • Kacer McDonnell's bleached asshole March 27, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Flyers suck, that is all, good day

    Reply
  • Kacee McDonnell's bleached asshole March 27, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Wink wink

    Reply
  • Jrue Giroux March 27, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    I can’t keep track of Kyle’s flip flopping on Flyers trades.
    It’s like he’s got the short-term memory of a goldfish.

    Reply
  • DT March 27, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Luke Schenn, ugh….why didn’t we trade JVR and Bobrovsky for Nash? Wasn’t that deal supposedly on the table? Why did we split them up and get a draft pick and a second tier defenseman?
    Why does Holmgren still have a job?

    Reply
  • Your Mother March 27, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    Imagine the Flyers with Carts, Richards, Giroux, and JVR……… I’d rather not as it makes me feel all funny inside. Like when I took on those three Sixers players that one crazy drunken night…

    Reply
  • Fart Burglar March 27, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    I don’t see how this can be taken as a leading Philly sports website when it doesn’t write about Philly sports. Yes the Flyers suck, but you should still write an article about them if only to lament the quick fall and the lack of options they have. There has hardly been any new original content. Less focus on hosting quizzo and more on your blog. This coming from a guy who really did enjoy this blog but isn’t sure how much longer I’ll bother coming here.

    Reply
  • Kyle's Brown Eye March 27, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    *insanely enormous fart sound

    Reply
  • C.S. March 27, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    Get off JVR. He’s a good Jersey boy, quit hating.

    Reply
  • President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho March 27, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Kyle: please write about current Flyers. Yes, they suck right now, but we’d still rather hear about them first. Kgrtthx.

    Reply
  • Pussy Kyle scott who brought back comments for page views March 27, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    Kyle…ur a fag and ur blog sucks balls now

    Reply
  • Worley's Hot Piece of Ass March 27, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    @ jrue giroux…i saw a program on discovery about goldfish, and the short term memory thing is a myth. Those little fuckers were bobbing and weaving though an obsticle course knowning that food was at the end. Over time, they swam the proper way thru the course, proving they have long term memory. Fasinating stuff, unlike this blog

    Reply
  • Slammin Gretzky's Daughter March 27, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    @Worley’s Hot Piece of Ass… No one cares. Now get back in the kitchen and cook me up some sesame chicken with eggrolls and a side of pork fried rice.

    Reply
  • Jay Grace March 27, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Homer should be fired for trading that mole face freak jvr for that stiff schenn

    Reply
  • Fred Savich March 27, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Moley

    Reply
  • Rhea Hughes' Veal Cutlets March 27, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    The700Level has a fantabulous Flyers article related to Flyers trade options.

    Reply
  • Petr Svoboda March 28, 2013 at 12:16 am

    Luke Schenn is the worst defenseman on this team. He gets a pass from the media because he hits a lot. Most of his hits leave him out of position if you haven’t noticed… He is fucking clueless, JVR will never live up to being the 2nd overall pick, but Christ, the flyers D looks like a bunch of fucking road cones out there Schenn, Cobourn, Mez, and timmonen

    Reply
  • KyleEatsCock........Still March 28, 2013 at 6:22 am

    All u dickbag computer whores should try to play the game sometime!! Not easy! JVR sucks, Kyles blogs suck and holmgren and the flyers suck!! Kyle still swallows man goo, we all know that!! But put Schenn on a real Defense and im sure he’ll be fine. Good Morning, Fuck u all and have a wonderful fucking day!!!

    Reply
  • Skiddily Whoppidty Zo Zazzle Jello Puddin' March 28, 2013 at 9:59 am

    If you think Luke Schenn is worse than Braydon Coburn you don’t even watch this hockey team, end of story.

    Reply
  • Morgan biskit March 28, 2013 at 10:25 am

    In case you’re wondering, the hat he’s wearing is for the Navy Seals.
    Even that can’t make him tough.

    Reply
  • Brad March 28, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Haha ANYONE saying Luke Schenn has been short of a solid defensive top 4 guy doesn’t actually watch the games. I’m guessing these are the idiots who call Philly radio shows about hockey. Schenn has easily been one of the few bright spots on the blue line this year. Some people, I swear… try learning the game before you comment on it.

    Reply
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